A
male
age
51-59,
*ornadoon
writes:hi i am male when i was a child my mother use to dress me as a girl this went on for about nine years now i am a lot older i have a female partner and i love dressing as a woman it feels so right to me but my partner dosent like it or understand am i weardo like she says she says i am mental and need help what can i do please help many thanks Reply to this Question
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male
reader, lornadoon +, writes (16 September 2010):
lornadoon is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you all for your comments they have been very helpful i realy do enjoy dressing up as a woman i get the erge every day and it makes me feel great i get this realy feminine feeling come over me no matter what i am doing i am not gay but if i had the chance of becoming a woman i would this may shock some of you but thats is how i feel inside honest and that is all i can be is honest thanks very much i look foward to hearing from you all xx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2010): There are a number of things you can do, and the most important is to TALK to your girlfriend openly and honestly about this. There's a risk you may not stay together, of course. But the issue can't be dodged if it's causing a rift.
As for the other posters' responses: I agree up to a point. I think you MAY need counselling if you honestly think it would help (of which, more below: personally I wouldn't bother).
OK, now for the bit you won't want to hear. What your mother did to you is viewed by some psychologists/psychiatrists as a recognised form of child sexual abuse. Much milder than rape, no doubt, but still a cross to bear.
The fact that you've presumably no 'problems' with it any-more on a conscious level, and are entirely comfortable with it, doesn't mean that it's not causing you difficulties: your relationship is a case in point, it's suffering as a direct result.
I am not saying for a minute that it's your fault. Of course it's not. What's needed from your girlfriend is support, love and understanding, not 'you creep, you weirdo' and if she's ignorant enough to feel that way then she needs a rethink, or your relationship is heading into choppy waters. This activity (irrespective of how you developed a taste for it in the first place) is a vital, fundamental part of who you are, your entire identity.
Though most guys elect to keep quiet about it, the actual act of cross-dressing is pretty commonplace, as you'll find from online research (some estimates of the amount of men who have done this run as high as 50%).
The extent to which it plays a part in one's life depends on the individual, how intense the 'need' feels and how often it arises - does that girly, fluttery, intoxicating 'wave' or 'rush' wash over you every day, once a month or whatever? Depends on you. But not a conscious choice. It's there or it isn't.
Contrary to popular belief, the spread of sexual preference is reckoned to be more or less the same among cross-dressing males as it is among the general male population: with a very marginal increase in homosexual activity, but a majority are straight, and I assume you are too, though you don't state whether you've ever had gay experiences or fantasies.
Me: I had every Madonna and Kylie record by the age of 13, I knew I loved men from about 14-15, first gave in to the urge to dress up at age 15 (shaking with nerves), and now (20) do it as often as time permits. I find it an absolute joy and don't think it need cause me any problems as long as I'm discreet when discretion is needed. I even meet other gay guys sometimes who don't like it: big deal! Their problem, not mine, and most of them LOVE it. Same applies with your girlfriend: if she's a problem with it, it's her who has the problem, and shock horror, there ARE girls out there who really like guys doing this.
To return in a roundabout way to your childhood 'issue': I've no recollection at all of any maternal input of the sort you were subjected to, but I do know that I became sexually hyper-active to the point of promiscuity around about the same time I had frequent occasion to overhear my dear mother repeatedly having intense high-energy sex with dad's so-called mate while dad was at work or every time she'd a glass of wine too many. If there is a connection there (as my best friend suspects) I'd sooner not know about it.
In other words: while your specific childhood experience suggests that you may 'need' counselling, I probably 'need' it too, but I've no intention at all of wasting my time or money on it, and I totally understand if you don't either. What I refer to as the whole Oprah-inspired, USA-based 'suffering' industry won't be content until they have every single rich person on earth attending psychotherapy for the unbearable trauma caused by itchy toes and the like. (Not entirely devoid of self-interest on the industry's part, when you think about it)
And the actual cross-dressing? Utterly harmless, and no doubt a source of huge pleasure and comfort for you. The clothes look a lot nicer than men's clothes, they feel a lot nicer than men's clothes, they ARE nicer, totally fabulous, end of story. So: what's the problem? None, unless it's causing YOU distress.
Good luck, and as far as your girlfriend goes: honest, open conversation is the only way to get through this. Show her as much info as you can get your hands on, until it sinks in: this is really quite NORMAL! (And fun)
Which also begs the question: if up to 50% of guys have done this, how come less than 1% are brave enough to admit it?
Anyway, I wish you luck.
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A
female
reader, LilPixie +, writes (15 September 2010):
 Have a search through dear cupid and just type "cross dressing" in the search bar. Quite a few questions will pop up, mostly from women who found out about their boyfriends/ husbands cross dressing, but it'll show you that it's not as abnormal as some people may think.
I do agree with the others that this is probably because your mum used to dress you in girls clothes. And although therapy is an option to see if there are any other underlying causes or if there is a way to stop this, it is up to you whether you are happy to be like this or if you want to stop.
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A
male
reader, lornadoon +, writes (15 September 2010):
lornadoon is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks lilpixie i wish i could if someone thats understands the way i feel it is not nice when she is mean to me i feel so low at times thanks for your comments it means alot xx
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A
female
reader, lainey23  +, writes (15 September 2010):
 Sounds like you have a tough decision to make. Dressing like a woman, when you're a straight male, isn't "normal" per sae, but if it's something that you can't stop doing for the sake of your relationship, than you have to move on. However, if you really love your partner and want her in your life, maybe you should try therapy to work through your "mother" issues. I'm not a professional, but I can tell you that your mom made a big mistake by confusing the gender roles with you when you were young. You've attached feelings of love and comfort with women's clothing and that's where you are now stuck. There is help out there for you if you want to have a "normal" relationship with your partner. Otherwise, it would be best to just end that relationship and try to find someone who is more accepting of your lifestyle.
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A
female
reader, Dizzy_Disaster +, writes (15 September 2010):
you should trying talking to her to explain that dressing like a women is not that of a big deal and it makes you who you are and many men who have girlfriends also cross dress. it may be hard for her to accept but if she really loves you she will.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (15 September 2010):
 Dressing as a woman, are you gay or bi-sexual? This may be a concern that she has. You said your mother dressed you up for 9 years? I believe in doing so, you're desire to dress as the opposite sex was created by the actions of your mother. I would recommend you seek counseling and dig up reasons why you feel such a desire to do so. Although you may have your reasons, she has reason for concern, and this is what needs to be addressed. This is because if you want to remain with your girlfriend, you need to see her needs and this making her uncomfortable as well.
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A
female
reader, LilPixie +, writes (15 September 2010):
No you're not a weirdo. There are a lot of guys out there like you. It's called cross-dressing.
I can understand if at first it was hard for her to get along with the idea that you like to wear women's clothes but she should be more understanding and not insult you. You're not a weirdo, you're not mental and you don't need help. It's something you like doing, there is nothing anyone can do about it. If she doesn't like it then it's time to let her go and find someone who accepts you the way you are.
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