A
female
age
30-35,
*ysterium
writes:Hi all,This is not relationship related, but a personality related question. I am an artist and a classic introvert. I love interacting genuinely getting to know people in the hope to learn something from them.. I don't do well in groups, I shut down... But individually I love to have conversations with people. I'm not averse to interaction but 80% of my time I prefer spending by myself. I have a pretty busy schedule and by the end of the week I'm exhausted, and after work on weekdays, I like to stay home and work on myself constructively or just relax. I have many friends as I like to feel connected but I don't meet them much. They make so many plans but I come up with an excuse to not go, or leave early. I'm not trying to be pricey or rude-never. At times I agree to meet a friend and then regret agreeing to meet and it bothers me so much. I don't think it's the right thing to do. But I just cannot go through with the plan. When I look at my friends, they all seem very social and happy being with friends and i cannot help thinking that maybe there is something wrong with me? I've tried being like that and being outdoorsy but I feel so uncomfortable. Do you think there is something wrong with me? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Mysterium +, writes (17 May 2015):
Mysterium is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI know this is a little late but thank you all SO much for all the advise!!! It has really helped me rethink some ways in which I behave. Thank you! Usually the answers on this site console you, make you feel really good or really bad. But rarely do I chance upon answers which make you reflect and these suggestions and answers made me do so.
Love and regards!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2015): You sound similar to myself in that you enjoy 1 on 1 conversation but not groups. However I think it's nice that you have a selection of people who want to hang out with you and think you should nurture it, because eventually people get fed up if you keep blowing them off and stop asking you in the end. I consider myself very anti-social and if I have 2 days in a row of 'people interaction/social activities' I literally cannot have anymore I need to be alone. By the way I have only one best friend and the other 'friend' I spend all my time with is a horse. Social activities consist of me occasional going on a night out with family and friends. Basically what I am saying is if you don't exercise your social skills and make yourself go out I think you do become a hermit and it is not healthy!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2015): Hey there, no nothing is wrong with you. This is YOUR life. Live YOUR life exactly how YOU want to.
All of the things you mention are things that make you happy and that is all that matters...your happiness.
You should express to your friends, if you haven't already, not to take it personal if you don't hang out a lot with the group and tell them why. Let them know you love them, but you are an introvert etc. etc.
Good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2015): You seem like most intellectual or creative people I know.
They like being around people, but they can only take socializing in doses. You value your alone time. So do I! I'm dating now, and we like relaxing together. I guess winter-time makes us want to hibernate when we can. Long work-hours are exhausting, and the end of a week sometimes makes dating/socializing seem like a chore. It's okay to leave early. Stay only as long as you're having a good-time.
It you feel unusually down, or suspect depression is setting-in; get a complete physical examination. Just in-case!
In order to maintain friendships and a support-system in your life, you have to keep to your commitments and push yourself for healthy interaction with people. That is a form of giving.
You can't give-in to the compulsion to be withdrawn or isolated. You need people around you, to give you the inspiration to remain creative. You need people to appreciate and recognize your talents, and to share your gifts. Who do you create for after-all? You need critique and encouragement to be a good artist. That's what friends are for. It's for that good feeling inside they leave you with.
That doesn't mean you have to hangout, if you don't really feel like it. Politely cancel well in-advance. Just don't stand them up. That's bad manners, and unappreciative of the affection they have for you. Which you really need, but may take for granted. What if you had a major performance or a big exhibit? What if everybody canceled on you? How would that feel?
You don't really have anything to worry about. You seem pretty balanced from what you have described. You are cognizant of the fact you have to be social; even if you are naturally a homebody. Just be sure that you cultivate your friendships; because you need the affection and warmth friends bring to your life. Your friends know you and they appreciate you for who you are. Like mine, I bet when you've been missing in action for too long; they'll drive you nuts until you grant them your presence? They worry? I don't know about you, but I love them for it!
As long as people still demand your company, you've been doing the right thing. When the attention and interest in your company drops-off? You may suddenly realize what loneliness really feels like. Right now you still have options.
So, how many cats do you have?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (13 February 2015):
 MAKE yourself do group events at least 2 times a month. Even if it's NOT what you really want. LEARN to be part of a group as well as a good friend 1-on-1.
IT will do you good. I have always had a large group of friends, yet I truly hate big groups of people but I did find myself enjoying time with them all.
Is this something new or were you always a little reserved? If it's not really something new, then I would consider what changes has brought it on.
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