A
female
age
36-40,
*edshoes83
writes:Hello,I have a problem with my current relationship. I am always insecure and have been with most of my boyfriends, thing is, I have been with my current one nearly a year now. I have always been paranoid about his beautiful ex. I went to a festival last weekend with my boyfriend, she was there with her current boyfriend (who she has been with for 2 years). She started getting upset and crying about me being with her ex, all this was in front of her boyfriend! Anyway it has all come to a head, that she told me that my boyfriend has been saying things to her he shouldn't..when I confronted him about this he told me that sometimes when they are on the phone they say that one day they might get back together and that they are still in love. I was shocked, but my boyfriend followed this up with 'I don't mean it, I want to be with you' He said that he does love her as they were together a long time and still get on but he doesn't love her like he loves me and that he wants to be with me one hundred percent. He said he thinks he did it for attention, just as he knows he can get it from her. I don't know what to believe and feel that if I want to be with him (which i really do) then I will just have to trust him in what he's saying. Am I being a total idiot? This boy is so honest and genuine, I believe what he's saying but I hate what I hear he has said in the past..please help me!insecure fool redshoes
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male
reader, somewhat_anonymous  +, writes (20 August 2007):
His ex sounds like she is trying to break you up. Maybe everyone on here is right that he's a liar and you need to get rid of him...MAYBE.
I say that because that is how it looks when you look at just the words. However, i don't know the guy and he could just be a nice guy that can't say no. When she said she loved him, he may have said it back to be polite. He might always love his ex, but be IN LOVE with you. Basically, he cares about her but wants to be with you.
However, that still isn't an excuse. He'll have to learn to say no to her and you must tell him to make a decision.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2007): "When I confronted him about this he told me that SOMETIMES when they are on the phone they say that one day they might get back together and that they are still in love. " So it happened repeatedly! If it is normal to be in a relationship and tell your ex you still love her, I wonder what else is normal in this world. He says he loves you, and that he did it for the attention that he can get from her (how contradictory.) Would that "attention" consist of a polite "thank you," you think he expected? Did you ask him? No doubt you're insecure. In fact most people wouldn't have accepted this. What is regretful is the insecurities that such relationships bring can reflect even in the future towards people who don't share any responsibility in what happened in the past. My humble opinion, both you and the ex's boyfriend deserve better... His ex making a jealousy scene in fron of her boyfriend, is he a puppet-doll? And if this man loves you "one hundred percent" why does he "sometimes" say such things to his ex, that disrespect your relationship with him. Love is not blind, people are.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2007): u need to get rid of him love how the hell are u suppose to feel sucure bout him when hes admitted to sayin these things it would be enough knowing he still chatts on the phone to make u have trust issues
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2007): When he says he doesn't mean it, that doesn't make sense...he said it didn't he! If he's looking for attention while you are with him, then that's a problem. You should be enough for him, as he claims to be true. Problem is, he isn't showing that to you. I'm a bit insecure too, when it comes to relationships because my fiance likes to check out girls and comment on them. But, if my fiance ever told his ex that he was in love with her, I would say "See ya!"You don't deserve that!
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