A
male
age
,
*arl1961
writes:I'm a 64 year old male, and I have had a difficult time in getting the girl I dated in college out of my mind for the last 40+ years. I'm completely happy and satisfied with my wife and love her dearly, however, as hard as I have tried I can't seem to remove the feelings that I had for this girl years ago. I still have several mementos from our college days and I just never could destroy or trash these items since they meant so much to me at the time. For some unknown reason I have always thought that I would send them to her after my death since the only people that would be interested in them would be us. We have seen each other several times in public since school, and our hellos were pleasant, but we haven't talked about the two of us since we left school. I don't plan on telling her my feelings, but I would like to rerceive some feedback on returning the mementos to her. I have the means and connections to have the itmes sent or delivered to her after my death in a discreet manner, although I don't know how they will be received since she is married to a very prominent high profile person, and lives in a small townI welcome any and all suggestions and thoughts on should I have them sent, or forget the entire matter and have them destroyed at the time of my death. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (31 July 2007):
 Well now Earl, I think you owe it to your lovely wife to destroy the items and put this whole fantasy out of your mind. 40 years is an awful long time to hold the torch, you don't want to get burned. Get rid of the items and go hug the woman who has stood by your side all these years.
A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (31 July 2007):
 Do not give her anything, at any time. It would be the ultimate insult to your wife, especially after your death, for her to find out you've been pining for some old flame. Honestly, it sounds like a scene soap opera or movie. Get your feet back on the ground. How would you like it if during the grieving period, after you wife's death, you found out she sent some things to a man she had always been thinking about? At that point, you couldn't even ask her why, she's be dead. You'd be left to figure it all out. Did she cheat, did they keep contact, did she love him etc, etc. That is a horrible idea.
If you send them to her, while you're still alive, you're not doing it to be nice. You're doing it to create some interest in her and let her know you've been thinking of her. That is emotional cheating. Get rid of the stuff, it's an anchor around your neck. Take you wife, the woman you love, out for a weekend away and remember why you love her. The other woman is a ghost from the past. She hasn't contacted you. Does that tell you anything? What good could come form this. It's like you're excited to tell her your little secret.
I'll give you a challenge. Tell your wife what you want to do and why. If she thinks it a nice idea, go ahead. But, don't sugar coat the concept. Tell her your thoughts.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2007): My opinion is that since you insisted upon these memories for 40 years, they'll remain there eroding until you act upon them. Destroying the souvenirs would leave you with an awkward feeling of having kept them in vain for all this time. Follow your instinct and send them to her, in a friendly, non-threatening way of her current status of married woman. But don't send it to her expecting her feedback. You probably only wish for her to know. Know that you have not forgotten her, have not burried her with the past, and she may find it flattering and blossom a melancholic smile in memory of old times, isn't that all you want?... Sometimes we need nothing in return but to reveal our impressions or feelings on a matter. Once we have let it out, we feel... relieved and we can continue with our lives.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2007): Why don't you just give them to her now? Meet her somewhere and tell her what you had planned. Tell her your feelings. I don't know how her husband would react you sending his wife them after you die. It does seem a bit odd if you aren't really friends with her anymore. But if you think she would appreciate it, then do it. Does your wife know about your intentions? Do you think she'd be hurt if she knew?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2007): It isn't going to harm anything if you make arrangements to have the items delivered to her after you have passed on. It's not like you're going to be a threat to her current relationsihp at that point, now will you? And she will most likely find the sentiment to be quite sweet and adoring. But I hope you're not planning on checking out anytime soon. 64 is still pretty damn young in my opinion.
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