A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have a problem, i wonder if any of you can help.Im 16 years old almost 17 and (foolishly!) im 8 months pregnant. However ive just noticed that i have a real talent for singing and i would love to pursue this career. i dont want to be tied down to my man and baby, i want to go off to America and find myself. I know this sounds selfish but im just so scared to have someone who will depend on me.Any advice? Or lectures? something to make me see how selfish im being or maybe i can have the baby and then find myself?Thankyou so muchSage, Reply to this Question
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male
reader, JTalbott  +, writes (24 May 2008):
 Although it is too late for you;
Adoption is a decision that demonstrates incredible maturity on the part of a mother giving up a child to a stable couple who are ready to be parents.
I deeply admire both a mother with the maturity to realize she's not ready to have a family and a couple ready to accept a new life into theirs.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2008): Im an 20 years old and also pregnant. i am trying to pursue my career and dreams and still trying to find myself and look after myself. I have very strict religous parents that i feel will disown me. and m boyfriend although he said he will support me whatever happens feels its best to get rid of this baby. i have been going back and forth in my head ever since i found i was pregnant. decideing whether or not to keep your baby is the hardest thing to do. i feel your pain. dont let any1 presurize u or call u selfish or make u feel guilty and whatever you deicide i hope you proceed to a great future. i know being pregnant is upseting when it is unexpected so keep this quote in mind....
" Acceptance of what has happened is the first step to overcoming the consequences of any misfortune. " - william james.
Good luck hunny.
layla
x
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A
female
reader, UNRSJC +, writes (19 April 2008):
Adoption is definitely not a bad idea. I may be biased because my husband and I recently found out that we are not able to have children. We are looking into adoption because that is the only option for us to have the family that we want. I don't think you are selfish, I think you are scared to find out what is going to happen when you have this child. Your decision has to be based on what is best for both you and your child. If you want to continue to enjoy you young age, then adoption would be a great idea. Most of the families out there who are lookinig to adopt have gone through years of issues trying to get pregnant. I wish you all the best and all the strength that you need to get through this situation.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2008): Hey im 16 and 6 months pregnant i want to become a air hostess but you have to understand things will fall in place just focus on the baby at the moment its most important just dont think you cant become a singer now your having a baby because thats not true it just might take a bit longer! and no your not selfish i no how you feel just dont think of the bad points! takecare
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female
reader, Sex Kitten  +, writes (1 February 2008):
 Sweetie, I've been sitting here reading the other posts, and thinking to myself please don't give your baby up for adoption, and then I got to your update saying that you won't give your baby up and it has brought tears to my eyes. Well done honey for keeping your baby! I had a baby son when I was 16 years old also so I know exactly how you are feeling (his father didn't want to know and didn't stick around) but at least you have your boyfriend with you. Being so young, it will be hard for you for the first few years, but look after your voice and in time you will be able to follow your dreams. You say you don't want to be tied down by your baby, but unfortunately for you this is your life now and your no. 1 is no longer yourself - your baby must come first. Message me if you want to chat some more honey.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou for all the help but i am not giving my baby up for adoption no way no how, i created im keeping it. I understand the consequences of what happened, it was a case of antibotics cancelling out my birth control but i know no condom no sex, but like any 16 year old girl i was naive. I really want to become a singer and find myself and i know i come second now to my baby. Im just so terrified, i lost my parents at an early age and never seem to have been able to hold a baby. Anyway. Thankyou so much for all your help, anymore would be welcomed =)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2008): Yes you do sound selfish but so what! You have to think about yourself as well as the baby. You are just thinking about your dreams. Mothers don’t just stop dreaming because they have children. It’s your dream so keep dreaming it until you are in a position to make it a reality. You do not need to give your baby up for adoption. That was not the question that you posted.
'I don’t want to be tied down to my man and baby'. This is understandable you are young, you haven’t lived yet and you are scared, every mother gets scared of the unknown.
However, in saying all of that you do need to focus on the baby first and put more energy into loving and nurturing that child. It will be born very soon and the more you keep this dream at the forefront of the mind, the more depressed you will be when you find that you have become exactly what you didn’t want to become. The fact is you are already a mother and have different responsibilities now. Get prepared for the birth of the baby and make sure you have all you need. When the baby is born there will be less time to pursue your dream (in the early days, weeks and months anyway). But in time you can be anything you want to be.
Continue practising your singing, look after your voice and write poetry of how you are feeling. You could sing to your baby and tell her/him what you hope from her/him. Maybe when you look back you can turn some of your dreams into reality and into songs. Look out for courses that will available when the baby is around 6 months or so.
You can be anything you want to be mother or not! Good luck
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A
female
reader, peaches83 +, writes (1 February 2008):
 Having a baby is something that will change your life. I disagree with Baby duck saying that you should give it up for adoption. Yes there are many people out there that would love to have children but cant, however this is your child and you must feel something to have continued with the pregnancy.
Is this singing careea something that you have recently decided? Dont forget hat your emotions and hormones are all over the place.
Many sucssesful artists have come from england and also have children its not something that you can not do. If anything by having your child it could get you to your goals and keep you pushing, for a better future for your child.
Its something you relly need to think of. No one can tell you that a)this is right b) this is wrong. Only you will know.
I wish you all the best
good luck
Peaches
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (1 February 2008):
 You may dream but first you need to bring your baby out in this world.Then you decide what you want to do next.Having a baby may change your perceptions about your dreams .
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female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (1 February 2008):
 I totally agree with baby duck.
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male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (1 February 2008):
 Hi,
there is nothing stopping you embarking on a singing career after you have a baby.
But that's not the real issue here is it. Just by reading your post about how you want to shoot off to America to be a singer, that to me signals that you feel trapped. You are only 16 and about to have a baby, that is going to have such a huge impact on your life.
It sounds like the father is still around, so any decision about giving the baby up for adoption will involve him.
Besides you cannot simply just pack your bags and head to America, you need a working visa to start with and at 16 years old you simply would not get one. Secondly it would cost an awful lot of money. Thirdly, why America? Britain has produced some of the best female singers ever - I just get the impression you are looking to escape from your situation - talk to your doctor or a close family friend about what is going on inside your head.
If you decide after having the baby you still want to have a career in singing join a local theatre group or try something in your area where you can actually get up and sing in public ( Karoke can be a start to see if people like your voice )
And dare I say it, you are having a baby soon, it will make it harder for you to achieve your goals if you get pregnant again after having this one - tell your man to put a condom on or no sex!! My sister had a baby at 17 she managed fine after a while, but my cousin had 3 babies by the age of 20 - she's lived on benefit ever since.
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A
female
reader, speedcat +, writes (1 February 2008):
well you sound a little selfish!!!! did you think of this before you got pregnant? I mean a baby is a life long commitment. A baby is not a death sentence however. If you want to become a singer than you need to practice at home when your with the baby and maybe when the baby gets a little older pursue singing. Bottom line is you now come second...your a mom.
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