A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:If your husband gave you permission to have sex with another guy on occasion, would you do it? Can you think of people in the past you met during your marriage that you would have "done" if you had a "hall pass"? What is the option was one-sided: meaning he would stay faithful but you could stray from time to time, nothing longterm, if you fancied doing so? For those who say no, what if it were just to do stuff short of actual sex, like involved kissing at a club or parties, or maybe a hand job, etc?I'm just curious. I would like to ask my wife, but I do not think she would answer honestly. I have seen her tempted before when I am present. I am sure she has been tempted more times, and offered, when I am not around and she isnt out drinking with her girl friends.I for one don't think I could do this. No moral superiority here, just being honest.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (25 May 2011):
 I came from such a marriage.
NOTE I said CAME... yes that's right... my marriage is now over due to my "hall pass"
I was given permission to have a relationship with a man who lives 2 hours away that we both knew... how's that working?
well my husband is living with his girlfriend now that he got after I started my "sanctioned affair" and my BF and I are getting a new place together...
As for TEMPTED... there are many guys that I see that I'd put on my "to do" list... but if push came to shove... it's eye candy and I don't even WANT to be with other men now...
IF a couple is mature and there are NO insecurities and they BOTH choose to be in an alternative style marriage it CAN work... two of my best couple friends both married over twenty years each.... are in the swinger lifestyle... but it takes a strong relationship and strong secure personalities to make it work...
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2011): You can't fault your wife for not answering that question honestly since you yourself wouldn't be honest about your motive for asking it.
Don't bait your wife or put her to the test in a way that you wouldn't appreciate being done to you.
Honesty is a two way street. If you want her to be truthful with you, you must be receptive to hearing unpleasant truths. Ask yourself what you would do with such information.
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A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (25 May 2011):
 Any husband who offered that to his wife would find that she lost a huge amount of attraction to him. The jealousy and mate-guarding that are part of monogamy are a significant part of what convince a wife that her husband is a good, manly portector and provider.
So, naturally, any woman who was told this by her husband would take the option, *even if* she never wanted to before hearing him offer it. Bascially, this offer is the kind of thing that would kill a wife's attraction and loyalty dead, because they indicate an unfit husband.
Asking about it hypothetically would be almost as bad as offering it. Better option would be to quietly show with confidence that you know she would never take those offers, so long as the offers are refused; if she is not refusing an offer quickly enough even a subtle one, you want to quietly let her know that such behavior is unnacceptable. Not in an accusatory way, or a desperate or frightened way, just a matter-of-fact statement that you won't argue about.
Then, later the same night, make passionate love to her. Actually, you should do that if she refuses the offer, too, as a reward for good behavior (which should be recognized, too).
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A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (25 May 2011):
 What a weird question you are contemplating, and one I am not sure how to answer. For isn't the whole point of marriage to remain faithful to each other, regardless of the temptations out there? I mean, they're everywhere but if you love and respect each other, that should prevail over basic lust. If I were you I'd stop feeling insecure simply because you think you're wife may be lusting after another guy now and then, and spend the time trying to be more interesting to her. If you feel she would take you up on your offer, you'd be foolish to go through with it. It will destroy your marriage. You'd be better off to work on your marriage rather than tearing it down with silly propositions that will only lead to divorce.
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