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I'd rather make out than have sex, but husband goes straight for the sex!

Tagged as: Marriage problems, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (24 January 2011) 4 Answers - (Newest, 24 January 2011)
A female United States age 36-40, *haroni writes:

My husband and I have been together for almost 5 years now. In that time we have had two kids. For those of you who know what its like to have kids, know we have had almost NO time for ourselves. Some where along the lines my husband has stopped kissing me. He will give me a peck on the lips every once in awhile but I cant even begin to remember the last time we made out. It sounds silly but its really starting to bother me. I would rather make out anyday day of the week than have sex. We have sex when ever we can but for me its become a chore for me. With kids around it has to be some what quick so he wants to get straight to the point with out ANY kissing at all. To me kissing is the best part. I get it done just to make him happy but I know thats not good and I am sure it would probably hurt his feelings if he knew the truth (The fact that I am really not getting much out of it). I don't doubt his fidelity to me one bit. I JUST WANT TO MAKE OUT! I have asked him why doesnt he kiss me anymore and some how he always avoids the question. Dont know what to do without hurting his feelings.

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A male reader, Illithid United States +, writes (24 January 2011):

Illithid agony auntNext time you're going to bed, jump on top of him and start kissing until your lips are tired. Make it sexy, playful. Tease him with it and kiss, then pull away and see if you can get him to follow after your lips. Go after his kisses.

Heck, enact a toll when he comes home if you get there first. Demand a kiss before he can come in.

Make a game of it, play with it.

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A male reader, Odds United States +, writes (24 January 2011):

Odds agony auntWell, sex with your husband is one of those things that has to happen. If you have no time, and must choose between makeouts and sex, he will choose sex every time, or he will be feeling the same way you do now. Besides, he probably believes you're enjoying the sex - you keep saying yes, and you haven't told him, so what else is he supposed to believe? Communicate, before it gets so pent up that you just explode and shout it at him one day!

Anywya, to fix it, set your alarm twenty minutes hour earlier in the morning and have a quickie. This release will make him more open to the idea, and show your own devotion to his satisfaction in a way that he can plainly see.

After work, the next time the two of you are home, sneak off into a corner and makeout for a while. Do it standing up, in the living room or kitchen, and break it off after a few minutes to get back to the kids. Try to do that two or three times.

Alternatively, just go to bed later. Tell him you want to kiss for fifteen minutes before you take any clothes off, and do it. Then have sex, and try to enjoy it.

You need to decide if the extra twenty or thirty minutes of sleep is more important to you than mutual satisfaction.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2011):

You need to make time for the two of you. You don't say how old your kids are, but I am presuming they are under 5, they should have a early bedtime so you have all evening, I know that jobs need to be done, but some of this time needs be spent on the two of you. Do you have family that could have the kids say once a month over night? Put some romance back in your marriage.

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A male reader, dirtball United States +, writes (24 January 2011):

dirtball agony auntInstead of asking why he doesn't kiss you, tell him how much you love kissing him, and how much his kisses mean to you. When you ask, "Why don't you kiss me anymore?" Guys will get defensive. We often don't know how to answer and the small problem becomes a big one. He could have a reason, but it could just be he doesn't understand how much it means to you.

I'd be willing to bet it's the latter, and if you tell him what it means to YOU, he'll attempt to start kissing you more often.

Guys need to be told when something isn't working. We're (in general) horrible at reading signals and body language.

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