A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:After 20+ years I have finally acknowledged to myself that I am in love with my best male friend - actually my best friend. In all of those years, we have never shared any sexual encounters and I believe this is because we know each other so well and know that to do so without a commitment would end our friendship. I tell him practically everything, except for how I feel about him. . . the intimacy that we have now; if he isn't in love with me, then I don't want to make him feel weird and possibly lose the intimacy that we have. Ideally, I'd like to clone him and have one of him as my man/spouse and the "other" of him as my best friend. I told him this. Is it possible for me to continue to love him as we are, or will I eventually want more and mess things up? Better yet, is it possible that he already knows, since he knows me so well anyway?
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male
reader, q1605 +, writes (7 April 2008):
 I just read the anonymous poster entry and that has gotta suck but it seems like women who put a man into the just friends category are about unshakable when it comes to moving that person to the lover category. Men aren't nearly so rigid in their mind set. Even with that he is glad he did it. So 2 out of 2 posters agree. go for it.
A
male
reader, q1605 +, writes (7 April 2008):
me again. reread your post. you said you are in love with him. Not that you love him that he is your touchstone or like a brother. You said you are IN love with him. Don't waste another day. You have lost 20 years in an already too short life. Just set a mood and don't tell /ask him any thing. Drink some wine watch a movie and just let him have it. POW both barrels he will thank you for it
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A
male
reader, q1605 +, writes (7 April 2008):
If he doesn't know, he has had the same thoughts about you. And he wonders about how it would be to be intimate with you. No thats not right you already are intimate with him. Probably more so than people banging and swinging from the chandiliers. You both wonder how it would be to be physically intimate and would it be ......a disappointment. I know that sex with someone that I am in love with is far superior to casual sex with a comparative stranger. Speak with him about it. You have both thought about this so much that I would guess that it's......... shit you really got me. It either needs to be discussed so fully to diffuse any unrealistic expectations or else you just need to dog pile each other spontaneously with no fore thought. For me thinking about having someone out there that I had denied myself for so long and that maybe we just might have a go at it gets me pretty hot just thinking about it. Of course thats just me.I get an erection when the wind blows
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2008): Well, I was in your situation recently, but as the male.
You don't mention your current situation, but I assume it is single? Like you, there wrere no sexual encounters, but some hand holding, hugs, consoling, that kind of thing.
So, you worry...you say you have told him everything but how you feel about him and worry that you will make him feel weird about the whole thing if he does not love you.
I say take the risk..tell him. I finally told my lady friend what I really felt about her--I felt boxed into the situation as she had started to date, etc and I felt it was time to confess to the feelings I had for her. Unfortunately for me, the love was not reciprocal. Yes, she loved me as a friend, but not as a potential partner--claimed the chemistry was not there. Funny how the chemistry is there for a 15 year friendship, but not for more than that.
Such is life..was I happy about her answer--no, but I suppose I was relieved that at least I had the courage to say exactly how I felt and that all the cards were on the table. Are we still friends? So far yes, but time will tell.
I don't regret finally confessing my feelings...even though it did not turn out as I wanted, at least the uncertainty about the whole thing had consumed me.
Take a chance on it...you never know what his reply will be.
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