A
female
age
36-40,
*ippiegirl
writes:So, basically the thing is that I am very sexually attracted to a work colleague, and I am sensing attraction from his side too, or so I think..I would really like to propose a sort of a "friends with benefits" relationship to him, but I have no idea how to do that...What would happen if I get rejected, will things be tense? And if it happens that he accepts, could we keep it a secret and make sure nobody finds out? Advice would be greatly appreciated, I have never done this before, and I have no idea how to proceed, it is very important to me that nobody finds out about this, I really care about my job..The thing is that I never meet new people, and I'm really attracted to this guy, I kinda want to take the opportunity.. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, hippiegirl +, writes (7 December 2008):
hippiegirl is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou people are so right and I wanna thank you for your answers..After giving it some more consideration I decided to not go forward with this, since,as you very well explained, is just too risky, and I really do care about my job..
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2008): Be ready for different than approximated. We don't always have what we want and the way we want it! I'm afraid the situation can become tense in case your plan doesn't succeed, so have this in view. The nature of the relationship you intend to develop with your coworker can definitely put you in a bad light at your job and I wouldn't venture into this if you care about your reputation at your workplace that eventually can compromise your position there which you say matters to you. If you insist though, it won't be hard to wind yourself into his good graces since he is also attracted to you, just by being casual and checking his response to naughty comments here and there, but as I said, you won't be able to master the consequences as well, and even if you do, there's no warranty he will handle it. Harder to attain FWB than just casual sex, as it's a relationship with blurry contours: more than friends and less than lovers. Why do you want to befriend with someone you're only attracted to? Maybe you don't want to? How well do you master your passions? What if you fall in love? And the gossip? You may need to answer these. I conclude by saying I don't recommend it, given all the circumstances, and it can be dangerous in general if one of you violates the initial conditions, either becoming "too" comfortable in this deal or not being able to keep up with the secrecy and the awkwardness that can arise. All the best.
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