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male
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anonymous
writes: dear cupidi am a 16 year old boy and i need helpi would like to know if its possible to build my self-esteem as i am not confident in life and especially when talking to the girls i alwayz turn red and have had some critisim from girlz about my look, if there is any way of improvving my self confidence can you please tell me as i need to improve my self thank you
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female
reader, Toria +, writes (27 September 2006):
 You need to realise that you are who you are and don't need other peoples approval to be you as the people that matter will love you for the person you are not the person you try to be because you want to be liked and accepted.
I would also try the things Astrid suggested when coming to talk to girls as you will find that not only will they help in you being able to talk to them you will also find it will make you look and feel confident.
Good luck :o)
A
female
reader, Juliette  +, writes (26 September 2006):
 Power to change has to come from withn yourself. In a way, having no self-esteem has a selfish aspect to it, as with no self-esteem you seek approval of and care what others think of you too much. It can help by reading a good self help book as they can give you insight into why looking in on yourself is like a trap you fall into, and these negative thoughts keep getting confirmed by your own expectations. If you can break the cycle of negativity, you will feel better.
The girls you talk about may actually feel powerful by this effect they have on you and play on it, also there is a chance that what you see as critisicm is not, and just your negative perception and expectation. First of all, if I am right on this, then you need to change how you view and assume people are reacting, and if I am wrong, then you need to be a bit more bloody minded and think 'what the hell!'as such girlz are not worth the agonising.
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A
female
reader, Astrid  +, writes (26 September 2006):
 Imagine youre talking to your family or to a close friend, breathe deep and open your mouth to pronounce properly, talk slow and have some eye contact, dont cross your arms and stand rather than seat or stand straight on the chair, tp helps you to talk,you can also think about suitable topics for a chat depending on the people you're to meet, dress clothes that make you feel comfortable so that you feel all right it helps a lot
good luck
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