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male
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anonymous
writes: Two weeks ago my ex-girlfriend broke up with me for talking with females on the internet and for trying to hook up with them. But I was not trying to hook up with them, i was just seeing if i still had the eye appeal, because she does not have orgasims and it bugs me. But she feels that i cheated on her which i can see but thats not what i was trying to do. How can i convince her that I love her more then anything in the world and to get back together so we can go on to get married and enjoy life? I feel so much pain, i cant get her out of my head and stop crying that she might never be my girlfriend again. What can i do to help the pain?
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2006): Hate to say this, hun but it sounds as though you were more concerned about yourself than about your girlfriend! Mature, solid relationships have no room for self-serving behaviours. Lots of women have a hard time achieving orgasm and the added pressure from a lover does not help. So realize this problem may not have been about your lovemaking skills. The thing that amazes me about couples is when one of them commits a mean , cruel act and then gets caught, they act remorseful and sad...but I have always believed that "meaness" is always an option in any relationship. You now know you shouldn't have done this, in the first place and I still don't understand why people treat those they love, so poorly. Your gf's ability to overcome this hurt and anger caused by what you did, will take some work. Time, patience and baby steps toward rebuilding is required here. There are no guaruntees, but it is a possibility. If I were you I would beg and plead for a meeting with her.. At that meeting I would grovel for forgiveness, apologise profusely and then talk to her about coming up with a plan on how this will never happen again. Come clean and tell her you learned a hard lesson about committment, about being supportive/ giving. You've learned about working through challenges together, when they crop up. Emphasize what a dumb thing it was that you did and that take full responsibility for your actions. These are the beginning steps to righting a huge wrong. Then sit back and really, really listen to her. And learn from what she tells you. What her decision will be...no one knows. All you can do after that is wait. If you do get back together, realize her inability to have an 'orgasm' is not a reflection of you. I wish you the best of luck, dear.
A
female
reader, theskycastle +, writes (1 September 2006):
 uhm... as a girl, I have to say you really shouldn't have done the whole internet thing when you have a great girlfriend that you love dearly. If you are looking for other girls on the internet, and actually went out to meet them, I will do exactly what your ex did. Maybe girls think differently. The action of you looking, talking, and meeting other girls show that you are no longer interested in the relationship with her. There's no way a girl can accept that and will forgive you. BUT... If you sit down and tell her the truth about your intention and what's bothering you, maybe you'll have a chance. And please.... tell her to real truth even if it make yourself sound like a loser.
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