A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been in a casual relationship with someone for 3 years. About 2 years ago he started dating someone he grew up with. He never hid the fact that he was dating her from me. Initially I was ok with being the "other woman" but over time I fell in love with him. I never told him that though. I tried to break things off with him but he came back every time and I'm so weak when it comes to him. A month ago he told he and the other girl just got engaged. He say he cares about me and has feelings for me but he's engaged to someone else. Despite everything, I still love him but i just don't know what to do.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2009): Ashleynp thanks for your input. Your situation is very similar! Im alot better than I was when this all happened. I def still have feelings for him. I believe that if you have real feelings for someone they never really go away...that's just something I have to deal with. I have moved on as much as I can tho. Im not sitting around thinking about him every second of the day. Im seeing someone else and things are going well with the new guy. As much as I'd like to think that if he ever came back later on down the road I would just tell him to beat it.....I really don't know what I'd do (guess u and I are in this sinking boat together...lol!) Unfortunately he knows he has a hold on me....ughhhh! Only time will tell...........
A
female
reader, ashleynp +, writes (24 December 2008):
this is all waaaay too familiar ..like REALLY similar ..lol... i have been seeing an older man (about 10 years older) for the past 3 years ... in april, itll be 2 years since he got with someone else... in february of 2008 i found out he was engaged bc the FIANCE told me when she was acting like him and texting me...i never admitted i loved him because i thought it would hurt more ..but honestly... it hurt just as bad ... we just recently had a 'fallin out' because he says he cares about me ..and it 'hurts him just as much as it hurts me' and thats not even possible .... the ONLY way i was semi able to get him off my mind was to keep myself occupied ... wen i was with him ..i NEVER even wanted to look at anyone else, eventho i knew he was at home layin in bed with another woman ... it was like, he kept me without chains and its the worst feeling in the world ... i tried dating others ... but always ended up comparing everyone to him (regardless how sucky a b/f he is ..he is an amazing person which makes it even harder) so it didnt work out ..i had just recently met someone that finally keeps my mind off him ... its still hard but it feels sooo much better.... i say move on and if its meant to be , hell come runnin ... i told him that i cant do it anymore ..i dont wanna be somebodies other woman ... i dont want to be number 2... i dont even wanna be somebodies number 1 when theres a chance to be a num 2, 3, or 4 right behind me...i wanna be someones ONLY one...its hard but i've come to learn that time alone and with friends and affection from other people is the only way to get past a situation like this ... he was my life ... i was 17 wen we met ... im now 21 and im still going through it ... he found out i met someone else and cried to me that he didnt know he loved me until now ...and he "cant marry her becasue of the way he feels for me"... i just look at it as, the man had 3 years to make up his mind ..and by me stayin around that long, i gave him ample amount of time to make up his mind... i didnt stress him, or push him ... and if your situation is anything like mine ...i say let it go ... if he comes back single, maybe give it another try but noone deserves to be put on the back burner ..especially when going from the "main chick", to the other chick ... thats not a hot look and it hurts like hell... but if he comes back ... theres always the chance that hell do to you what he did to her ...(but honestly i can say that even with the reatlity that he would probably end up cheatin on me too, i honestly cannot say that i wouldnt take him back... as much as i hate it and im trying to get over it ..he still has a hold on me) i say its best to just move on.... MOVE FORWARD and see whats there before taking a step back ... it sounds like he may be taking advantage of the situation bc he knows that you'll be there for him regardless (as am i) .... i know this wasnt really an answer ..maybe? maybe not but i just wanted to let you know i feel you and your situation 100% ...and i wish you luck in getter over this cause i know its hard
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2008): Men i know i wimps but i dont believe he would have got engaged to her if he really didnt want to?
That's just it....he said that he wouldn't have proposed if she didn't want to get married because marriage isn't his "thing".
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2008): well it would appear to me that if he has got engaged he is planning to marry her and have kids with her - that means he must like her quite a lot?? Men i know i wimps but i dont believe he would have got engaged to her if he really didnt want to? it seems he is having his cake and eating it - he has you for all the exciting extras - the sex i guess (you could argue that if he liked her enough he wouldnt be seeing you but then again he is prepared to go the distance with her - not you) You have i think put your life on hold whilst his is moving forward now - he is a bad habit that you must break... you must make your life as full as possible with freinds and activties and dont be available for him when he decides he wants you, it seems like it is all on his tems. Please please please develop th balls to kick this looser into touch, i doubt he will ever truly be yours - i know i sound harsh but i have been there and years later when i look back i kick myself and you will too - you will find someone who loves you and wants only you!! If he tries to come back say no - a firm no, he will soon get the message, you are a woman, we are the stronger sex, tell this weak man where to go! and good luck xx
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