A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:As a child, I was bullied at primary school, and my first years of secondary school. I am an adult now, and yet I still seem to be harbouring a lot of anger for the childhood bullies. I frequently get feelings like how dare they have treated me like that, and what was it about me that they felt it was OK to treat me like a piece of shit? It has made me feel like I want to hunt them down and hurt them. If I see lookalikes of them even on TV, my blood boils. I have lots of friends now who seem to like me as I am, and a pretty nice life, so I really don't want to be a bitter, angry , venemous person. Can anyone give me advice on how to just let go of all this anger and put my school days behind me?
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female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (19 August 2014):
 I can give you advice, because I was bullied as an early adolescent in middle school. Coupled with excess severe physical punishment at home, and I know everything about the anger you're feeling. It's this twisting, burning, fury that makes you crazy at the thought that someone can do these things to you, and it gets worse and worse the more your mind chews on it and doesn't know how to rectify it.
I won't even try to tell you that it "goes away", because that is a farce. It stays with you, though as you get older, your perspective of it will change significantly.
There are three ways to deal with it, and only one way will help you.
1. Vent it outward: This is not healthy, because it turns you into the bullies you hate. You striking out and taking revenge against others, being cruel, demonstrating rage, burning out and shutting down your own empathy, all of those will destroy your soul. This is not the way, and would be a travesty if you did it. Most of the people who bullied you are, in fact, those who are doing this method.
2. Turn it inward: This is dangerous, because these are the people who think that they deserved it, who get mad at themselves and punish themselves for seemingly being different, not fitting in, being a target, whatever. They despair, become depressed, anxious, and instead of being outwardly destructive and cruel, they become self-destructive and have a black hole where their heart used to be.
3. Channel it: THIS is how to deal with it. You can't change what happened, but you can turn that anger into a positive thing. Let it make you strong and tough. Let it make you wise and determined; let it propel you beyond school and into life, where the adult you can stand up to bullies. Let it channel you into negating that cruelty in the world by showing kindness, and especially if you see cruelty happening to someone else, you can speak up for that person. Let it channel into self-improvement, both physically, mentally, intellectually. and emotionally. Basically, you have a good heart with iron armor, and you do not tolerate cruelty done to you or around you.
In short, you don't have to "let it go". But you can turn what was done to you in negativity into the most positive force in the world. Even I have to admit that while I still think that the bullying I had to endure, and bullying in general was and is an injustice that needs to be fought against, I owe some of my strength to the fact that I am far from broken, and it didn't turn me cruel and malicious and hateful myself....not even to the bullies in my past.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2014): You should see a therapist and get a little counseling. If you worship, visit your clergyman/clergywoman (or spiritual leader) and learn about forgiveness and peace.
If you're only between the ages of 18-21; it may take a few more years for the memories to fade. Being bullied is hard to forget. The trauma is just that serious; and that's the reason schools should strictly enforce anti-bullying policies. No one forgets being assaulted.
For years it was just written-off as just kids being kids.
They take it to a new level these days; because they use social media to publicize threats, humiliate, and recruit others to gang-up on kids. It becomes a class-project to harass and torment children who are different. It's contagious. I had big brothers and was taught to defend myself. I'm gay, but I wonder what life would have been like if I was a more timid kind of person? My Catholic mother said turn the other cheek, my dad said kick-ass.
I was never the kind to stand and watch. I stand-up for people; because it pisses me off when people pick-on someone who can't fight-back. Your story tears at my heart; because I have witnessed it growing up. It was never like it has been since the internet, smartphones, and Facebook. Even six year-old children can be pretty mean.
Anger that makes you want to do harm to people has to be addressed professionally. Oh, it crosses everyone's mind to retaliate; but not hunt them down to hurt them.
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