A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:This is an unusual question but- I'm a 15 year old girl and I want to take up playing the drums. I've been thinking about this for a while so it's not a 'spur of the moment ' thing. The only problem is that my dad is a professional drummer and he left me, Mum and my sister 6 years ago on bad terms (including rape, pornography police) ans it's fair to say mother cut all ties with him and now she also hates the drums. I am not very close to my mum anymore and have the feeling she'll say no and be mad at me for asking. What can I do? Thank you
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2014): If you have a computer then you can get an electronic drum kit with software that uses the PC as a controller. You can plug headphones into your PC and no one hears. I got a kit for about £70, check online
, and of course ebay. Do you have a friend or older brother or sister that can help, ie with the buying?
As others have said, be very sensitive to your mum.
You can play a bit on your own but if it feels good get some lessons.
Good luck.
A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (19 August 2014):
 That's a tough one. Both of my brothers are drummers (my older a rock drummer and my younger an orchestral timpanist/percussionist who currently plays in an Irish folk band) and I can play them passably, so I have the opposite of your mom - a soft spot for drums and drummers.
I think I have an idea for you, but you need to decide whether or not the drums for you are a passing fancy or a deep, uncontrollable dream. If you're merely curious and aren't willing to put in the time and practice, then let yourself get interested in something else. If it's more than that, then it's worth it to talk to your mom.
I can feel for her that hearing drums brings up awful memories. If he raped your mom and the police were called, your mom may have PTSD that could actually trigger by hearing drum playing, you know? Kinda like a song reminding you of a cheating ex-boyfriend who gave you herpes.
They make electronic drums you can practice on with headphones, but they're not quite the same as the real deal. Also, drums, cymbals, drum heads, sticks, can be expensive to buy and maintain. Hopefully, your mom isn't traumatized by drumming in the house, and that she would love you more than she hates drums.
Tell her you feel drumming in your blood and that you want to "take it back" and make her proud to hear them again and associate them with someone she loves and would give her life for, rather than someone she despises and was hurt by immensely.
But seriously, respect her if she can't handle it and don't push or call her unfair or mean or a dream-crusher, because she's been through hell and made a lot of sacrifices for you. When you turn 18 or find a place that's not home to practice, you'll be free to explore your desire, so the worst thing that happens is that you must be patient for a few years.
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A
female
reader, Behavioural Analysis +, writes (19 August 2014):
 I hope you don't blame your mother for cutting all ties with your father after everything it included?
See if there's a free drum club or something that you can join. Or wait until you move out for uni and get a drum kit that you can plug headphones into :)
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A
female
reader, MSA +, writes (19 August 2014):
 I think you should talk to your mum. Tell her how you feel and your interest in playing the drums and how you have been thinking about it for a while and is serious about it. Your mum will have to understand that no matter what your dad did, you are still his daughter and it is natural for you to inherit his talents and interests. If she sees that it is your interest and pursuing it makes you happy, she will support you. Or, she will say no.. then you wait a few years and one day when you have a place of your own, you can buy yourself a drum set and play to your heart's content! ^_^
Best of luck!!
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