A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:backstory, I'm fairly recently out of my first long term relationship with the first guy I had ever kissed. Anyway, I figured I knew what I was doing.Guess not, cause I just made out with someone and they said I had a weird way of kissing, we just couldn't get it together. Normally I stick my tounge in just a tiny bit and move it side to side, obviously pulling out every now and again. I always took cues from my ex on how to do this stuff and I figured it was right, but now I feel so stupid. What am I doing wrong!
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kissing, my ex Reply to this Question
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (18 November 2015):
 Ahh, that makes sense why you kiss weird...you had an ex who was a HORRIBLE kisser! Like Yoda says, you must UNLEARN what you learned with him.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey guys! I think I've got the idea now so I guess we'll see what happens and hope for the best. I'm just going to be rally scared to ever kiss anyone haha Fortunately I'm not quite as bad as the spin cycle. My ex definitely did a few of those though...lots of teeth and really forced tongue!
Luckily not all is lost, my kissing obviously didn't scare the new guy off too much, he came back yesterday :)
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (18 November 2015):
Here's another one, OP. I love visual aids. The one you describe as doing, they call the "spin cycle".
Hopefully this is an eye opener for you!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tKvHQ5l8iXw
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A
male
reader, Been there Now over it +, writes (18 November 2015):
Yikes! That YouTube clip is brutal. I did a quick Google and there are more kissing videos on the internet than you'll be able to watch in your lifetime.Just like in a restaurant where they'll sell everything on the menu in a night due to different appetites and tastes, there is no one ideal way of kissing. Look at the videos and look at the different techniques.If you kissed ten different guys, you will probably find each enjoys their own type of kissing. Next time you are with a guy, start slow and lead him lead you. Just take lots of time...don't just kiss, look into each other's eyes, talk, touch (and have the lighting dim). On the other hand, the kissing should be just as much for you enjoyment, too! It isn't just to please him. One last observation...women are generally much better kissers than men and you can learn more from them than a guy can ever teach you. I mentioned Girlfriends Films a few days ago in another column. Yes, it is porn, but they feature girls who are into girls and who are coupled together because they previously knew each other genuinely want to have sex together.I'm sure there are other good examples on the internet, too. This should be an easy and fun fix!
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (18 November 2015):
"Normally I stick my tounge in just a tiny bit and move it side to side, obviously pulling out every now and again"
THAT is what you're doing wrong for starters! Side to side?? Yikes! French kissing is like a dance, not just poke the tongue out and move it around! One of you takes the lead, and it's a seductive dance leaving both people wanting more.
Next time you kiss, DO NOT use your tongue. At all. Not unless he uses it, and ONLY THEN, mirror what he's doing like a dance. See, what you're doing now would be like if a waltz was playing, and he was dancing the waltz with you, and you respond by dancing the Tennessee Two-Step, and not in time to the music. See how awkward that would be? You'd be stomping on his feet at every turn!
Finally, I'm going to show you a Youtube video with a couple of examples on how NOT to kiss. Do *NOT* use your jaw to kiss with and an open mouth like a dying fish. Many people make that mistake, especially the inexperienced people. Watch this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U-SRcCGsBbc
If you are doing ANY of this, stop right now!! She has to be one of the worst kissers I've ever seen, and he's not far away from that. But the point is - it's not like a dance with her. They're out of rhythm...
Hopefully, you can see the problem now!
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