A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:I have two failed marriages behind me, the last one I felt railroaded into and didn't have the courage to back out of.I have now met a wonderful woman who has asked me to marry her. I said yes but that I want to wait for a while as I am only just divorced and not ready to marry in the 6 months time she was asking for.We have only just decided to live together so the proposal was something out of the blue, although we have both said marriage would be on the cards at some point in the future, but I didn't expect it to be that close in the future.I am afraid of another failed marriage, and whilst I know I want to spend the rest of my life with this woman, going straight into a marriage (we have been together for 11 months) doesn't feel the right thing to do for me.Any advice would be very welcome.
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female
reader, confusedlady25 +, writes (17 August 2009):
as someone whom has been married just the once and it is failing i think that talking to your partner about your feelings on marriages and the fact that your frightened as you already have 2 failed marriages im sure she will understand you not rushing into this marriage and taking your relationship one step at a time. if she loves you she will be willing to wait until your both willing and able to commit fully to marriage.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2009): I am surprised, given your background, that she came out with a proposal at this stage? Still living in a miserable marriage myself and looking to get out of it I can honestly say that I would be reluctant to bother again - because really truly if you want to be committed to one person then you are (married or not). You may even feel more motivated to make an effort and be romantic unmarried whereas you may feel negative connotations with marriage so it might affect you. I would explain that you want to take things steady and enjoy each stage of your relationship - what is the rush? I think you also need greater clarity on your own feelings on marriage generally and whether it is what you want. It seems that twice now you have been pressurised into it or the prospect of it. Its time you take control of your destiny and explain your needs and ambitions to your partner. If you love each other you don't immediately need a marriage certificate to prove it. If it doesn't feel the right thing to do then tell her that emotionally 'she is the one' but that your experience of marriage and happiness are at odds and that you would like to live together for a while. If you don't do this you will be repeating a pattern of behaviour from before. Its time to be honest and share your feelings - which is what love is all about anyway.
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A
male
reader, deafguy +, writes (17 August 2009):
You have said she is a wonderful woman! do you want to spend with her rest of your life? If so yes then you should do.
Are there any similar patterns as previous two failed marriages? What are the differences between last two marriages and this?
Please do not over-analysis by comparing those failed marriages and this woman.
Perhaps you need to move on and look forward not go past?
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