A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:this is bad but i need help.ive just finished with my ex and it has been awful-he has left me in deep financial trouble and has shown little emotion to me during the past 4 years.before this i was with my fiance who at the time i didnt believe loved me so because this guy paid me attention i stupidly liked the attention and left my fiance.i know its been a long time but recently ive heard my first ex got married and i just crumpled.the news has affected me badly-i dont know if its guilt.i would just like to put this whole mess behind me. i wanted to just send my ex fiance an email apologising for any wrongs i did. i just need closure i dont know why but im scared-scared because hes just got married so dont want to cause problems-i am not looking to get back with him the damage is done and his family hate me. im a loser i know but i just wanted to send a one off email just saying im sorry and thats it but im too scared to because of any reprocussions. at the same time i cant go on day in day out torturing myself with guilt i dont know what to do
View related questions:
fiance, my ex, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2009): This is going to hurt and I'm sorry for that.
Imagine how happy you felt when you were in love with a new man and everything seemed perfect.
Now imagine how happy your ex-fiancé must feel having just married someone he deeply loves and who deeply loves him.
Do you think his attention should be on the love, happiness and excitement he shares with his new wife or the pain he experienced with you? Does it benefit him and his wife to have this painful part of his intimate past, a past that did not include her introduced into the opening days of their marriage?
Part of making good on past wrongs is living with the unpleasant emotions they elicit. There might be more regret here than guilt. That is your penance to pay. Not his.
You can have the closure you need by drafting up an apology to him, getting it all off your chest, but NOT sending it. If you’re a spiritual person you might consider confession. You don’t have to be a bible thumping church groupie to benefit from this. Priests and pastors can be more open minded and helpful than you think.
Whatever you decide to do, know that you need not punish yourself the rest of your life for this.
Chin up.
|
