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I want to move onto the next stage with my boyfriend, how should I let him know?

Tagged as: Dating, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (3 February 2011) 6 Answers - (Newest, 4 February 2011)
A female United States age 30-35, *arahvee writes:

I've been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years. I love him so much and I know he's someone I'll be with for a very long time. He does everything for me and I really would be lost without him.

However, lately I feel that I want to go onto the next step in our relationship. We live 45 minutes away from each other and I see him at most 2 times a week. I want to move closer to him or maybe even move in with him. But I don't ever know how to let him know. I feel like if I tell him the truth it will push him away. I always give him hints letting him know I want to move near him, but he doesn't really seem as excited as me. We got into a fight last night because I said that I wanted a change in our relationship. He took it the wrong way and it ended up with him saying I was selfish because I always complain when I want something.

I don't know what else to do. I feel like our relationship is now hanging on by a thread.

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A female reader, charliesdevil73 United States +, writes (4 February 2011):

charliesdevil73 agony auntJust ask him how he feels about moving in together. Tell him that you love him and would like to be with him more. You can't just give hints and hope he will catch on, that never works. If he gets a little uneasy and expresses concern, hear him out. He deserves his opinion in this matter as well. As you both are very young, he may want to take more time just being the stage of the relationship you are in. If so, don't get upset. He is just being cautious and there is nothing wrong with that.

And just so you know, asking him to move in probably won't push him away if he really wants to be with you. I talked to my fiance about moving in together after only 6 months. He felt that I was the only woman for him, but he needed more time to be sure. He asked me about moving in together only 3 months later. Sometimes we just need to know the idea is there so we can think on it for a while before giving an answer that is truly ours and not what the other person has decided for us.

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A male reader, dirtball United States +, writes (3 February 2011):

dirtball agony auntHints don't work. An honest heart to heart is what you need.

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A male reader, Leodjoneluv United States +, writes (3 February 2011):

Leodjoneluv agony auntdont complain but tell him that you love him and you want a stronger commitment from and with him. tell him that you always dream of being with him more and ask him how does he feel about it. He may be simply be happy with what you two have.

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (3 February 2011):

aunt honesty agony auntIts time for change, there is a complete break down in your relationship at the moment, and it is only going to cause the both of you to drift apart even more if things dont change. So now is the time to get started.

You need to tell your boyfriend exactly how you feel, hints wont work, you just need to come straight out with it and tell him. Just sit down with him and tell him you want to talk. Explain to him that you want to move to the next step in the relationship and move to the same town as him so that you can both spend more time together and ask him how he feels about the relationship and what he wants out of it.

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A female reader, chelles08 United States +, writes (3 February 2011):

Are you two in college? Plans for college? You both are still so young...much can change over the next few years. I would wait until you are both done with school and then see where you're at. I would def not consider moving in together at this stage in your relationship. You guys need to see each other more and date a little longer before that is brought up, in my opinion. First though, you need to know his thoughts on this without sounding demanding or like you are putting ideas into his head (this can scare guys away quickly). How bout just casually asking "where do you see yourself in the next couple years?" and see what he says. Hopefully he says something about you being around! Good luck

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A female reader, Tylluan Canada +, writes (3 February 2011):

Tylluan agony auntI've been in this same situation and really, you will not feel better until you know exactly where you stand.

Are you avoiding asking him directly because you are afraid of rejection? You are dropping hints but guys get confused with subtly! Make him a nice dinner and bring up the topic. Don't sound desperate, just ask him straight out. Where is this relationship going? Am I in your future? He will either say yes lets move in together or he'll make up some excuse about rushing things. You will know then if this relationship is on the same page. Be bold and take control of your life. It's better to know the truth than to live with confusion.

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