A
female
age
41-50,
*adsally123
writes:I've been with my husband for 7 years. I love him to death and only want to make him happy in every way. but we have one issue. He is only my 2nd partner, and im like his 6th or 7th. I had a lot of growing up to do sexually, like watching porn, using toys ect during sex. Well whenever we go to an adult store, i ask him what he would like, and he says "whatever you like honey". And I tell him what i like, and he will say "that sounds good". And i get frustrated bc i feel like hes not communicating with me. We do the same things while we're having sex too. I will ask what he wants, and he will say "whatever makes you happy", and thats it. He wont tell me to do anything for him, unless I tell him something i want. I dont know if he is embarassed to ask or what. Recently i found his porno stash of videos he had been hiding, and i took them out, and laid them on our bedroom tv in clear sight to let him know that its ok, and i wont get upset about it. I asked if he would like another movie in the store because i knew he was a movie guy, but he never said anything. So after the store, we ate out, and I asked what kind of things he likes in bed. and you guessed it.. "it doesnt matter whatever makes you happy... so frustrated, i started throwing some things in there that i like, and he would chime in with a little something that he liked after me. What does this mean, and why is it so hard for us to tell each other what we like? we shouldnt be embarressed weve been together forever! What should i do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2010): It seemed that he is not a dominated male. That is why you felt frustrated.
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (23 February 2010):
 He is not a mover and a passive player or laid back type and whatever you like , it is OK with him.
As long as he does not complain about it, it means that it is acceptable to him so long as it pleases you.
You can find out what he likes or dislikes by trial and errors.He just wants to please you and do not expect the same from you.
Do not put undue pressure on him and find out what he likes. You should stop asking that question .
It is like you want to do the perfect thing for him. Stop looking for the perfect answers.
Just enjoy those moments together .
Do what you like and enjoy and it will please him also to see that you are happy. This is all that matters to him.
You should feel lucky that he is undemanding and easy going. Relax and go with the flow.
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (23 February 2010):
 Well first of all there are only a few basic ways to do heterosexual sex, although the potential positions are very numerous. But let's get to what I think is probably the issue with your posting.
You have a nice and easygoing husband, but he has quite a porno collection. I'll bet that much of it includes females giving blow-jobs. While he apparently does all to please you, my guess is that he would like a blow-job for a finale, at least occasionally. Most of us do. Want to know? Just go down sometime and see what happens . . .
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A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (22 February 2010):
Try ask him in the heat of the moment when he is less inhibited; as part of dirty talk. "do whatever you want right now baby"...
But be prepared for anything; what if he wants to cum in your mouth/face? What if he wants anal? What if he says I want you to invite your best friend Suzy? Usually if he is not saying then these could be the thoughts running through his mind and he is not about to get himself into trouble when he knows your morals and your temper will never let him forget the Suzy issue. Maybe just be happy that he is satisfied with what you are giving him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2010): Here is my take on this. Men love variety. Specifically men love variety when it comes to women.
Don't get me wrong, men can and oftentimes are monogamous, but it doesn't change the drive. A huge part of our makeup is the pursuit of sex with as many attractive partners as we can. That is not to say that he is or would be unfaithful because odds are he isn't and won't because he wants to keep you.
There is an unflattering metaphor about a pig being a pig despite putting lipstick on it. The truth is he may just be bored with having sex with you and no matter how you dress it up, it is all the same underneath. You aren't a "fresh kill" and the excitement is gone. This isn't personal.
The challenge is that he will NEVER tell you this because he loves you and doesn't want to hurt you - and you can't blame him for that. If you can deal with taking the lead and leaving "well enough" alone, then he will follow you to whatever sexual fun you have in mind. Just don't expect him to come up with the ideas because what he wants, he cannot reveal.
On the other hand if you are bold, you could suggest going to a strip club together and gauge his reaction. Odds are he will play it cool because he is afraid of your reaction if he gives you an overwhelming "yes", but if you present it as your idea he won't outright rule it out. Anything that introduces a variety of women is sure to peak his interest.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2010): He sounds very easy going but i know what you mean about it being frustrating. Mines the same. Its always, whatever i like. He doesnt seem to get that i would like to do what he really likes sometimes. Im not sure what the answer is.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2010): Hmmm. Maybe he was brought up to be embarrassed about talking about sex?
Or maybe he is turned on by things that he thinks will disgust you?
Or maybe he is just happy with the way things are.
Is this just a facet of your communication problems with him?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2010): Men are just frustrating in general. :)
Ok, from my end, I will ask my fiance what he wants to do, where he wants to go, and yes, what he would like me to do to him in bed. The answer usualy ends up ... whatever YOU want to do.
This isnt you against your husband. This is men vs women. This is the way we process things/situations differently.
I think your husband is probably alot like my fiance .. laid back, and take it like it comes kind of guy. If he is like that, then honestly ... when you do something he doesnt like, he will tell you, or if he really really wants something, he will tell you. But for all the other times, he is willing to accept whatever comes his way.
This may not take away from your frustration, as you see it as a lack of communication .. trust me, I get you .. but this is the woman in us .. we need to .. I dont know .. find it ( an issue ) and make it better. I would learn to let these things go, you arnt going to change who he is, so just accept it. On the bright side ... I guarantee you, if you tell him exactly what you want from him, he will do it. Be very direct and upfront ... maybe you openess will make him more willing to open up to you too.
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