A
female
age
41-50,
*arte
writes:My husband is a high functioning alcoholic, who only drinks on the weekends, but his drinking is starting to affect our relationship, emotionally and sexually, and his health. He has never been violent but is becoming more accident prone due to alcohol. I want to have children but we never have sex anymore as he has performance issues, I am 35 and feel as though I am running out of time. How do I broach these subjects and find meaningful solutions to save our marriage?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2008): I strongly disagree with Dr. Phil, it does sound like your husband is an alcoholic. One of the strongest indicators of and addiction is if the person can walk away and not touch something again, from what you've written, it would be very difficult for him to do this.
Having said that, any addict of any kind is an unfit parent. The addiction is the most important thing in an addicts life, not the child, not the wife, not even himself, the addiction is controlling your husband.
Do not have children with him unless he stays clean for at least a year.
A
female
reader, rebl1128  +, writes (20 August 2008):
Please don't have children with this man. I know you love him, but you can't change him, and it's hard enough to take care of all the things you need to do with a drunk husband, just imagine how difficult it would be with a drunk husband AND a child. Please consider joining a support group for spouses of alcoholics. The people you meet will give you some insight and maybe convince you to change your own life in order to get what you want, which is a life that includes marriage, sex and children.
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A
female
reader, Lilly Rose  +, writes (20 August 2008):
 Well firstly why are you planning to have a child when your Husband has a drink problem what kind of father could he be if hes a drunk! I say best thing to do is get him help, he needs to stop his drinking before he can before a fit father. Maybe speak to a doctor about help. Talk to your husband about his drinking! Get your husband sober then think about children!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2008): The first few steps are down to him. He has to first realise he has a problem, then he has to want to rectify the problem, and then there's the actual problem solving, ie - stopping drinking to excess.
You simply have to take the bull by the horns and spell out to him that he's got a drink problem and tell him how it's affecting him and all those around him, and that he'd better get a grip on things because you ain't happy with his behaviour.
If he only drinks at weekends I wouldn't exactly say he's a full-blown alcoholic though. If he was, he'd be reaching for the bottle as soon as he gets up in the morning and you'd be finding booze stashed all around the house and a bin full of empties. I think I'd probably put him in the category of being a binge drinker, which has the same problems but for two days a week rather than seven.
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