A
female
age
36-40,
*ampababy46
writes:I'm in love with this man. He's told me numerous times that he loves me too. We're not together now; we broke up because things were going to fast for him (we were always together, talking about the future, he brought up me moving in, etc.). Anyways, I've recently tried to "let it go" because I felt like he wasn't making time for me and he clearly didn't know what he wanted by the way he was going back and forth. But we were so unbelievably happy together. Everything was easy... Everything seemed like it had a solid future. Then it abruptly ended because he's so busy (and he is REALLY busy, has a son, full custody, two dogs, demanding job), but I felt like he wasn't trying to make time for me. I'm stuck wondering if there's anything left between us because it just ended after a little fight. We both already apologized, but neither of us really had a chance to accept each other's apology. I'm wondering if I should put myself out there, even though it makes me feel very vulnerable as a woman. I want to give it a second chance, but I'm do terrified of being shut out and shot down again.... What to do??
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2011): What I'm hearing is you want things to go back to the very beginning when he was infatuated with you and was in pursuit mode. It sounds like in the beginning he was fast forwarding your relationship and you both enjoyed the ride. Things toned down and what you were beginning to see is really the reality of what this relationship is: someone who isn't really on board with commitment and too busy and someone who runs hot and cold on you. You can put yourself out there but know nothing will change because the beginning of the relationship was fantasy and he didn't want that fantasy to materialize into a full blown commitment. That's why he stopped things in their track and told you it was going too fast. He's let you know in those words that it won't progress from how it is now.You are wanting to press the reset button and go back and I think you should be really honest with yourself about that because if that's what you want, then what you want from him is not realistic. Someone either makes time for you or they don't and no amount of drama, ultimatums, negotiations will erase that reality. All you can do is face that and then decide if that's good enough for you.If it's not, then walk away. Making yourself more vulnerable may be percieved by him as desperation. I would simply ask him if he sees a future with you and being fully committed to you and if he's vague and wishy washy, the answer is no and you move on. If the answer is YES, then you have to decide if this arrangement AS IS is what you want from a relationship. My best guess is this is a case of you really not wanting to know the answer.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (25 October 2011):
 You take that chance. You make the leap and you hope it turns out the way you want.
IF you don't try you will ALWAYS wonder "what if...."
IF you try and it works GREAT
IF you try and get shot down... NBD (no big deal) in the long run... yes in the short run you will feel bad.. but ya know what, MEN take that risk ALL the time and we expect them to.... maybe once in a while THEY need to be the ones that know they are wanted badly enough to warrant a bit of a risk.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (25 October 2011):
 well you will never know what will happen in life unless you put yourself out of there. Yes it can be scary in case he shuts you out, but if he does well at least then you know that you tried and you can move on from this relationship with some closure. Write him a letter tell him how you feel and what you want, if you don't want to do it to his face and leave it at that.
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