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I want to get out of rut and start dating again!

Tagged as: Dating, The ex-factor<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (13 March 2009) 1 Answers - (Newest, 13 March 2009)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Hi! So my first boyfriend (V) and I "dated" for a year and two months but never got past a kiss that we shared at the end of freshman year of high school. I really don't think I loved him, but I certainly did like him a lot; it took a good few months to fully get over him, but I had to get over him because I moved and the long-distance thing wouldn't have work out between us.

At the end of sophomore year, I met another guy (W) whom I ended up dating for about four months, but it was really stupid because we didn't do ANYTHING. We never saw each other the entire summer we were "together".

Anyways, he and I broke up two weeks into junior year and I remained single until December 7th, 2006 when I started dating the guy (X) that will have forever changed my life in both good and bad ways. We were together for all of the year 2007 and then 2008 came and that was just shit. We couldn't stand each other (we were fighting constantly and he was verbally and physically abusing me on a daily basis) and so we broke up around the beginning of April of last year. I ended up dating another guy (Y) soon after to not only get myself over my first love but also because I really did like the guy anyway.

Well, we ended up breaking up and literally that same day, I went back to my ex because I was weak. We then dated for five months and one day and then broke up again because he not only cheated on me but I just could not take his verbal abuse any longer!

So now it's been three months and six days since I've been single and it's annoying the shit out of me! My ex's best friend (Z) really likes me (it's pretty obvious considering he asked me out like two months after my ex and I broke up) and we even shared a kiss which I was very reluctant to do because I do not like this guy in that way.

Anyways, we're remaining friends mainly because he wants to stay friends but as for me, I really couldn't care less. I know that sounds horrible but I seriously know him as the guy who was the bad influence on my ex and just fucked everything up. I know that doesn't sound fair, but oh, it fucking is.

Well, guy W and I tried the dating thing again... and it failed after two weeks. This happened over a month ago and I've been guy X's booty call the last month but I haven't talked to him and seen him for three days now. This whole thing is one bitch and moan after another and I apologize for that, but I mostly just wanted to get all that out.

My real question is how do I get myself fully over guy X and refine my flirting skills without freaking other guys out? I'm so sick of being single and knowing that I've only ever had sex with one guy. I mean, I'm 19, so I've still got plenty of time, I know this, but I feel lonely a lot. I want to get out of rut and start dating again!

And to be honest, I'm not just looking for a guy who will dump me (or cheat on me or verbally/physically abuse me) in the next two years. I'm looking for the long term. Is that too much ask right now?

Just please help.

View related questions: best friend, booty call, broke up, cheated on me, flirt, my ex

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A reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2009):

You can't make love come to you, be patient wait. Yes it is too much to ask for and i don't hink you need a comment right now, try going 2 months being free and single living by yourself, making it on your own........... woman hear me roaarrrr ......... then go find Mr Right, remember you're still young, tease them for a while, com on whats two months ............. AK.

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