A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My man and I have been together for six years. We have lived together for three. We have talked about marraige before and recently we've had serious talks about it.He doesn't know what he wants. He has said he doesn't really want to get married, and I told him that I do want to. He had a poor homelife and has no positive relationship to look up to. We just spent the whole evening talking, arguing, and crying - we love each other, care about each other, but he doesn't know what he wants.He just left to go to a friend's house to think about us. We're on a short break.Please help. I don't know what to do. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2008): In my opinion you are just going to have to wait for him to sort it out.
I'm in the same boat he is in. I had a crappy homelife with parents who dislike each other and a father I resent because he beat me as a kid not to mention the fact that I was raped when I was 7. I've been with my girlfriend for about 6 years now and I'm going to ask her to marry me next month.
I am still unsure if I want to get married but I figure since we've been together so long we really should. I'm sure everything will be fine once we're married, but the steps leading up to it are going to be hard.
So just give him time and talk about his past even if it hurts because it really does feel better getting it out into the open. Hope that helps.
A
male
reader, Wild Thaing +, writes (26 June 2007):
 Strange. Earlier today I responded to a guy who doesn't understand why his gal won't say "yes" to the continual marriage proposals he has made over four years.
Honey, you might be able to bully your guy into a proposal. If he capitulates he will resent you.
If your assessment of his homelife is accurate, then perhaps your guy is too damaged right now to be able to handle commitment. If this is the case, and you still love him, then you can show him what commitment means by sticking with him as he tries to process his bad homelife. Good luck and take care.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2007): There is some advice out there that says when you reach this crossroads in a relationship it is time to break up, but break up with love and leaving the door open if he chooses to give you the commitment that you want....Personally, I think 6 years and 3 years of that living together is part of your problem, you have given hin everything so he is not motivated to make your relationship permanent, guys need motivation and if he is lacking that, he needs a kick in the pants.
Tell him you understand that he does not want to get married, but tell him that you have been by his side for 6 years, you love him but think you deserve marriage, that you want a life with him and understand if he cannot give it to you, but you will have to move on....and then do....don't have any contact with him for at least a month, maybe more and get out and pamper yourself, get a makeover a new outfit and hit the town with your girls.
Date some new men, don't sleep around, but date around and you will feel better about your situation in no time. If he loves you he will be back with that proposal, if he doesn't really want you enough to marry you, it is better that you don't waste your time on a dead in affair.
Living together is not a good deal for you, so don't do that anymore, get your own place, take back your identity and your power in this relationship....and most of all don't let him see you devestated, he will think he has all the power over you and you will once again resign yourself to this unsatisfactory relationship....enough is enough!
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