A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I’ve been dating my boyfriend for a year now. We have been through more than the average couple. I love him but I don’t know if I am in love with him anymore. I want to want to be with him so badly. I really care about him and I want to marry him and spend the rest of my life with him but lately I haven’t felt the same. I don’t want to kiss him or sleep with him most of the time. There is nothing wrong with our relationship, my feelings have just changed and I don’t want to find anyone else. I want to be with him. I want it to work. I just don’t know how to fix it. What should I do? I don’t want to have to leave him. I want to feel like am 100% in love with him again and I don’t know how to do it. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2010): What I learned, and found it quite easy to accept, is that I don't always love people 100%. Lets say that being in love with butterflies in your belly and strong passion mixed with true love is that 100%.
First off: the "in love" feeling is chemistry, and not a true feelings. Its your hormones telling you its time to reproduce, and just about anyone will do. Thats why you can fall in love with people you've never even talked to or met.
Second: the "in love" feeling has been tested to last 6 months. If you make it last longer than that, you're lucky I guess? But don't worry, you're not doing anything wrong, it's all natural and normal.
Third: people just arent always 100% into each other. You dont always love your mom for example, some times you wished she'd just leave you alone. Yet she's likely the one person you hold closest to your heart. Now you have a boyfriend that you value so much and love so much. There will be days where you just like him and he's alright. And then there will absolutely be days when you just can't get enough of him!
So relax. Your hormones and feelings are taking a recovery break, they can come back when you least expect them and make your heart beat faster than ever when you see him. Just like in the beginning of a relationship. But also remember: its very usual for couples to "slow down" after being together several years. Not all do, but most do. As long as you and him are happy, everything is good.
I can promise you that whoever you are dating and love so so much, you'll end up loosing that "in love" feeling eventually. It can come back, who knows when. It can never come back too. But love is commitment to the other, and a choice you make to stay with them. And a warm feeling of care for them. "In love" is just your body telling you his genes would give you pretty babies.
A
female
reader, jc82 +, writes (12 February 2010):
 You say you have "been through a lot together", so I assume there has been drama. Maybe this is just what it feels like to be quiet together, and you aren't used to it. As far as not desiring him goes, maybe you should try to expand the ways that you interact with each other sexually a little. Do it in different places, play games. That can really help. Try to figure out if there could be other reasons that you don't want to be intimate with him right now. Good luck to you, I hope your mood changes soon.
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