A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been seeing this guy for about four months now and he is hinting about living together. I feel I still don't know him emotionally yet. We have a lot of diffrent views on religion and morals. I think he is a great guy but I just got over a two year bad relationship and i'm just not ready for this. quite frankly I don't know why he likes me because we have nothing in common. I like him because he treats me with respect something I have never realy experianced with a man.Most men i've dated have treated me like shit and were drunks.I know he is not that type, sure he drinks every now and then but I know he would never hit me. I kind of have a feeling that he wants to get married off because he is getting older almost 32 years.I'm only 25. His friends wife told me he was with a women for six years before me and she left because he was not ready to settle down but now he is and realy is smitten with me and thinks i'm beautiful.I wish this could move a little slower but it seems he is triger happy on finding a wife. I want to date him. What should I do keep dating him to see were it leads? Or break up cause I think he just wants to get married off and is not realy seeing me for me?
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2008): It sounds like you are both on a rebound from bad relationships and earlier ones for you and perhaps getting attracted to each other for some wrong reasons. You need some time to think about this, especially since you say that you have many differing views and little in common. My wife met a very nice guy a day after she left her verbally abusive and cheating husband. She could have chosen to stay with him, as he was so nice to her compared to what her husband had been. However, she decided to date others at the same time, being honest with him about what she was doing. Over the next 18 or so months, she began to realize that he had a lot of personality problems and would not be a good choice for a long time partner.
I got divorced about 3 years after my wife did and she was my first girlfriend after my divorce. She wanted me to date other women, mainly to make sure that I did not just want her because I needed someone and had settled on the first woman who I met. I did date 3 other women over the next 2 years and finally decided that she was the one who I wanted. She wanted me to date others because it had worked for her to find the man who she really wanted. We finally started to live together 4 years after we started dating and then got married 2 and ½ years after that.
I think that 4 months is far too soon to consider living together. Yes, it might work out great, but I believe that there is a greater chance that it won’t. By the way, my wife and I were both 33 years old when we started dating, so 25 for you and 32 for him is far from old. We started living together at the ages of 37.
Take it slow and wait at least a year, preferably more, before you consider living together. It is up to you if you want to date others at the same time. I am also a strong proponent of living together for a couple of years before getting married.
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (17 March 2008):
 Just keep dating, you can set the pace. I wouldn't move in with somebody I had only known for 4 months either, most people wouldn't. Let him chomp at the bit but you hold your own and take your time.
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A
female
reader, stivi 123  +, writes (17 March 2008):
Maybe it would be a good idea to sit your boyfriend down and talk to him about how you feel. Maybe tell him that you do love him but you are not ready for anything serious yet.He may understand, and may feel the same way as you. If he has just broken up for a long relationship then he may want to be taking it slower as well. He may not mean that you should live together straight away, but he might just be sugesting something for the future together. So try to get to know him more and see how things go.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2008): You are being extremely senible and honest. Stick to your guns about what the relationship is to you at the moment.
If you have been honest with him, just keep doing that. You thoroughly enjoy his company and seeing him but are not ready for anything else at the moment. Just be honest and all will fall into place.
His urgency should not be yours. He needs to deal with that and understand that things if pushed, may push you somewhere you don't want to be. That could be either leaving him or staying in something your not quite ready for.
You do not need to appologise for how you feel, your just not ready yet and that is just fine!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2008): Tell him you want to take things slow, before he pops the question. Once you turn down his proposal he will be forced to bail out. So strike first that way you stand a chance.
Good luck
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