A
male
age
36-40,
*anson
writes:I'm a guy who has decided to start trying online dating. One thing that I would like is to be open about my personality in my profile and what I seek but don't know if it's going to send the right message.As a person, I'm quite introverted and I have realized what I want is a partner that is more extroverted. I feel the dynamic would simply be better for me and it take some pressure of me to be a conversation driver (which I suck at) during dates.However, when I read most profiles they are very shallow (if there even is any). Maybe being more open like this will seem more creepy than genuine.How would you react if you saw a presentation like that (maybe not using the words introverted and extroverted but instead being more descriptive)? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (12 October 2019):
 I think it's good that you want to be genuine. With that being said, online profiles need to contain just enough information but not too much information because that's what the actual date is for. You have to put just enough out there to want to make people want to find out more about you by going on a date with you. There's a layer of mystery that has to exist when creating an online dating profile. I understand that perhaps you're more the genuine type that maybe doesn't have time to play games but there's etiquette at the same time.
By introvert, what exactly do you mean? I know some people who have an outgoing streak that identify as introverts because that's the most dominant quality. Personally, I'm Ambi so I'm not sure if that's what you mean. Are you the socially awkward introvert? Or are you the type who knows how to let loose in some situations but still prefers to be alone?
It's best to try to figure out what makes you more comfortable as a person and not trying to find someone to bring out certain parts of yourself. That's why I ask how introverted are you because if you're the super shy, socially awkward type then it may be very difficult for the person whom you will be on a date with to get you to loosen up and act natural. If you're better at expressing yourself through text than you are at expressing yourself in person then it may make for some uncomfortable dates in future. My point is; try to figure out what your social style is first that way, you will be able to adapt yours to better suit the social style of the person that you're talking to at the time (face to face). It's important to have that information so that you know how to proceed. Take a quiz to try to figure it out and see if it helps. Try to tweak your own with each changing situation and see how that helps. It will help you feel more comfortable and natural because you wouldn't need any one type of person, instead you'd know how to respond to all types of people. I hope this helps.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2019): Maintain some mystique about yourself, and emphasize your stronger points. Profiles don't really convey the truth about people, you determine that once you actually meet.
Just keep it light, friendly, and upbeat. TMI will come across as creepy and desperate. Begging for someone to feel sorry for you. Learn how to be more outgoing by being social and inserting yourself into social situations and gatherings.
Go to family-celebrations, get used to talking to strangers, show-up at house-parties thrown by your friends, and just mingle. Don't turn-down their invitations or be a no-show! You need the practice!
Don't hide in corners or against the wall. Join in conversation. If you can compose a post, you can chat with people!
Read good books, stay abreast of current events, and exercise your sense of humor. Even if it's dry or you're awkward, it takes practice!
The greatest mistake people make in finding a match is looking for people to compensate for their weaknesses or shortcomings. Worse, making people tiptoe around their insecurities. Besides, TMI in a profile comes across like a warning! It's a built-in limitation! Work to overcome shyness!
It doesn't make sense to be introverted and seek people who are extroverted. If you're a shy man of a few words, force yourself to speak-up! You'd bore an extrovert! You'd find yourself yawning listening to a person doing all the talking! They should hear something about you!
Why seek your absolute opposite? To carry-on a one-way conversation with themselves? To spend the date prying words out of you, so they won't feel like they're on a date by themselves? Why not mingle with all sorts of people, and learn to feel comfortable with a variety of people-types? That will take the pressure off you!
Get out of your comfort-zone and practice being open, charming, and friendly. Your profile isn't what people are looking for. They're looking for YOU! Develop your personality and work on those things you can correct; that you shouldn't go looking for others to fix about you. Don't add things to your profile that warns people about you. Don't ask others to fix you! Fix yourself!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2019): maybe something simple like saying you're shy but for you, opposites attract so you're interested in meeting a woman who is outgoing
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