A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hello All, I broke up with my child's father around 1 year ago. He has moved on with several women, but still remains contact with me. I still see him as a user, but mainly just a guy who will never accomplish anything in life. But the sad thing is I stil have feelings 4 him. I don't know if it is because I have yet to move on, or because I see him falling in love with someone else. I never thought that could be, but I guess my love was deeper than his. Recently he told me while drunk, (which I was always told a drunken man speaks a sober mind) that he wants me and this new girl, he wants to marry us both. This hurt my heart so bad. Then he tried to stay hte night at my house, and I told him no because he lives with the new girl. I am a lot more respectful of other women than they are of me. Just my upbringing. But I want to stop loving him, I want the taste of him out my mouth. I want to be free, but can't seem to do so. What am I doing wrong, what is he doing right? That I can't move on even after all the hurt. Do I need to cut all ties, but I fear if I do that I will seem bitter, weak, and afraid to let him know the truth. But if he fell for this new girl so quick, and were about to have a baby, then he never loved me am I right?
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female
reader, Artistry +, writes (28 February 2008):
 Hi again,
How nice to have you show your appreciation. I do try, as best I can to help, remember the figurative box, find it as soon as you can and put it out of your life. You have the strength deep within, reach for it and hold on to your desire to move on, you will. Take good care of yourself and stay in touch. First comes rain, then comes the beauty of a rainbow.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2008): Hello Artistry I am the original writer of this post. I am sitting here with tears in my eyes because you are so compassionate and true with your words. Your verbal tongue is a blessing. Thank You and have a wonderful life.
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A
female
reader, Artistry +, writes (27 February 2008):
Hi,My thought is that one year is not a lot of time to be free of the emotions that tie people to other people. Especially if you lived with that person or even if you did not livewith him, but conceived and bore a child with him. Emotions are very powerful, and it appears that you had deep affection for this man. How many people have fallen in love with someone who was not quite what they should have been as a mature adult, able to commit to a real relationship and be accountable in that relationship, such as being a true companion and a good father. That's what love does, if we could turn it off like a water spigot, it would not hurt so bad when things go wrong, but we can't. You see things for what they are, trust your instincts, he has some growing up to do. I don't think that you can cut him off completely physically, because of your child. But what you have to try to do, is to find other real interests, something that takes your mind off of him, and what he is doing in his life. Take hold of your future, he tells you he wants both of you, impossible, if you can't be true to one person, I have heard it said, you won't be true to anyone. He is not even true to the new woman in his life, a cheat is a cheat. It takes a lot to build and grow in a relationship with one person, it takes trust, mutual respect, loyalty and most of all a committment, to be in that relationship and give it everything you have to make it work. That's with one person, how can you do that with two or three people at a time, somebody is going to get less than they deserve, so therefore it is not workable. Unless someone decides to settle for less than they deserve. So listen to your mind, you are correct in your assessment of him.You deserve to have someone who cares for you and your child, and it is my belief that you will find that individual. Concentrate on yourself and your child, get involved in some activity in which you can immerse yourself. Little by little, you will forget about him, sothat even when he comes to see his child, he won't matteranymore. Life is too short to put so much into wantingsomething, that does not even appear to be good for you in the long run. Take what you feel for him and try to put it in a box, tie a nice ribbon around it and put it way, way in the basement or attic somewhere, never to be seen again. Much good luck to you and your child. Be as happy as you can be.
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