A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyone!I have been out of the dating game for about 3 years now since I had to concentrate on career and stuff.I have been in one relationship before that.Now I feel it's time for me to find love again but the issue is I have been out of the game for so long and I am a reserved quiet person so I am not really very approachable. I intend to ask a lovely lady who I feel very strongly about.Right now, we are just acquaintances.How do I build up to asking her out?Is it okay to just tell her how I feel abut her or should this be preceded by giving her hints about my interest and the like? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2016): Something I learned the hard way is to never poor your heart out to women. Its an instant attraction killer no matter how much women says its flattering don't do it. Especially when the women being pursued has physically done nothing to warrant your attraction. She most likely will question where your attraction stems from and may find it creepy. My advice is to eliminate all these strong "feelings" that you have built up in your mind because at this point they will work against you. Your best bet is to start out with casual friendly conversation and feel out her body language. If she is not making any attempt at conversation and seems uninterested then you may be out of luck. But after reading her body language you could then ask her for coffee or something and make sure you don't refer to it as a date and see how that goes. Just take it slow and try to build attraction over time and if she rejects you then that's okay as well because at least you will have your answer and you wont be left wondering. Always remember that even though rejection really sucks, every rejection leads you closer to that acceptance as long as you don't take it personal. Good luck man!
A
female
reader, femmenoir  +, writes (6 March 2016):
 Hi,
i would strongly encourage you to just "man up", don't be shy and ask her out.
You have nothing to lose, because she is either going to say, yes or no.
A maybe, would only come across as uncertain, apprehensive or indecisive and silly on her part.
Nobody wants to date somebody, who is unsure from the start anyway.
Whan a woman really likes a guy, she already knows what she will say when he approaches her and asks her out.
She pre-plans this in her headspace, if she suspects that he really likes her and will eventually ask her out.
She will not say, maybe, UNLESS she is into game playing.
Sometimes a woman who is quite shy, insecure, may also say maybe, but more often than not, a woman will say yes or no.
If you ask her out and she says yes, well that's great, but even if she says no, at least you won't be left wondering and you can wish her well, hold your chin up, move on and get on with your life.
Life is too short to be sitting around, mulling over whether you should or shouldn't, so for your own sake, simply ask.
I wish you all the best and let me know how you get on. :-)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2016): I'll be honest, I read this all the time. It doesn't make any sense attaching and building feelings for people who are totally unaware that you even like them. It's weird and unhealthy. You start from attraction and work your way up.
Being too shy only makes since for children, not adults. If we want romance we have to put ourselves out there. We have to overcome our shyness and approach people with confidence.
Too much timidness comes across as awkward; and you will most likely choke and abandon any attempt.
Anticipating rejection will disable you, and you will not be able to initiate the connection you want to make. Telling her how you feel is an attempt to gain her sympathy hoping she'll feel sorry for you and just submit. Man-up! You don't want pity, you want a date and romance. Warm-up to her and show confidence; because a lack of confidence is a reason to reject you.
One of the most common posts we get from single heterosexual females is having difficulty reading if a guy is interested. They get tired of trying to read weak and confusing signals. Face rejection like a man, and don't take it personally if she doesn't want to date you. You're not attracted to each and every female, and if one comes at you too aggressively and you're not the least attracted to her, you'd reject her in some way. Well, it goes two ways.
It isn't your intention to her her feelings, only to let her know you're not interested, and her aggressive approach is making you uncomfortable. That's all it means when the situation is in reverse.
Professing feelings for someone you haven't even dated yet is just plain weird. Almost desperate. Calm down. Strike up a nice conversation, then ask her if she might be interested in going out. The answer will be yes, no, or maybe. Turn on the charm and show her you're interested by gentle persuasion, and let nature take its course. Take no like a man. She may be taken, or interested in someone else. She doesn't have to explain way. Just accept it.
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