A
female
age
36-40,
*ilverSong86
writes:I am at an impass... I really don't know if I should try to work through things with my rather new bf. We're really different in a few crucial ways, but we also get along better than I've gotten along with most other people. I really love him, but there are issues and I'm not sure I can stay in a relationship with him. He's very confrontational and doesn't seem to have much self-control. If he's stressed or angry, I get the brunt of it. I'm really sensitive (esp. when these things are coming from someone I care about, and I've had some painful experiences with men in the past) and everytime he says anything of a negative sort to me I end up in tears. I know he doesn't want to hurt me, but that doesn't change the fact that he is. He thinks that what he's doing is completely normal and that I overreact... I just wish he were more nurtering and comforting with me unstead of telling me that I'm acting abnormal. It hurts and I don't know if I want that kind of influence in my life. He's been wanting to get counseling for some time now, but I feel that we should try everything we can (just the two of us) first. It's only been 4 months! Unfortunately, I do love him and want things to work, but I also don't want either of us to have to change who we are for that to happen. Another factor is that I went through an awful breakup about a year ago, and I honestly don't think my system is ready to handle that sadness again. I really don't want this to be the reason I stay with him though. I feel very fragile these days and just want a peaceful, secure, relationship, with someone who treats me lovingly. I'm not sure if this guy's the one... what do you guys think. Thanks in advance. I'm sure I'll be writing again soon. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, red1982  +, writes (7 January 2008):
I would say that if you are looking a couple counselling this soon into a relationship it is doomed. This should be the best part of a relationship, before all of the hardships set in!!
Perhaps you should get some individual counselling to get over your previous relationships, thay way you would feel more secure in your judgement of this one, and help you to decide if oyu should be in this relationship or not. It would also make sure that you are not harbouring feelings from your past and bringing them, into this new relationship (or any others in the future).
At the end of the day if you don't feel that he treats you right - he probably doesn't!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2008): First of all, I think most people have these exact same worries and issues when in a rather new relationship. Speaking from personal experience I've had my share of several very long (the average length was about 4-5 years) relationships, and if you aren't the best of friends and respectful to one another now, you are only going to save yourself a lot of heartache and emotional turmoil. I've been there and done that, and now I know what to look for in a partner. You should definitely be friends first, date later, but I know that it doesn't always turn out that way. But I truly have, and so will YOU, learned a lot from each and every serious relationship I've been in.
The only advice that I can give you is that people are always going to have their qualms and pet peeves, but to me this sounds like a very serious problem in the making. If he is not the sensitive and caring guy you deserve, you should realize that "small" problems in the beginning of an unsteady and new relationship will only escalate into GIANT ONES in the end. Hope this helps.
...............................
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (7 January 2008):
 A guy should know how to love a woman and make her happy. If he cannot , then he is not the one for you.
What is normal to him is abnormal to you .You come from different backgrounds and culture. He should therefore learn the ways that will appeal to you.
Some guys are natural abusers and they are not aware of it. They can say negative things under the guise of wanting you to be better.They want to control you.
It is more like a round peg into a square hole. It is going to hurt if you try to force it in.
...............................
|
