A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my bf for 8 months now and we usually have sex once a week. I'm horny most of the time and i feel like having a conversation with him about how much (or how little) sex we have and that i need more to be satisfied. I end up masturbating when he's not around so that im not frustrated. The thing is that he looks like he's never really horny. He's 31 with a past of heavy drug abuse (he's clean now). When we have sex it will be because we were out and drinking or he's had a little bit of pot, meaning almost always under the influence of something. To be honest he looks like he doesnt really care for sex and it's a problem for me. I don't want a sexless relationship and i need more than once a week. How do I approach this with him?Also, what's the average frequency of sex for a couple in their early 30s?
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2012): I too have this problem, and don;t want to ask him as i feel like I might look like I am pleading for sex. It;'s a difficult one. I too end up touching myself. I really love my BF , but am thinking of trying to find someone else who matches my sex drive. Eg - 3 - 4 times a week.I don;t know what;s the matter with him as when we do do it , it;s fab. x
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2012): as a girl, you have the power to make him want sex with you. Like dressing or talking in a way that turns him on. Try to find out about his sexual fantasies. does he like lingerie? role playing? how about a strip tease? or maybe you can take a direct approach and initiate sex? there are lots of things like this that you can try.
But if he is physically unable to do more than a week, that's another story.
generally speaking, anything between 3-10 times a month is normal for your age.
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (27 March 2012):
 As I recall (it's been awhile), but in my thirties, sex about twice a week was fairly normal. But it depended on the woman and the kind of sex. Some of my girlfriends back during the 1970s were very much into giving and receiving oral. Most were, in fact, but oral sex tended to increase the frequency. It usually also included intercourse.
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A
female
reader, BettyBoup  +, writes (27 March 2012):
 Sucks to be in your position. I've been there.
I wish I could say do this, and he will turn into a sex mad animal. But I can't... All I can say is there are 2 options, either accept once a week and enjoy it, because its sex with the man you love. Or leave in search of a man who will want sex as often as you do.
I was with a guy for 3 years who was a once a week guy, which became once a fortnight. It became a big issue for me as it seemed he was not into me sexually. All I can say is, if you want to be with guy don't let it become an issue. If you do this will only make it worse...
If you love him try to accept that this is just who he is. I left in hope of finding someone to match my sex drive(or someone who was really into me), and it's early days, but I'm just praying I did the right thing, because I really loved the guy. You may never find someone who fits you on every level. That's the dream but this is real life. Maybe it's just not possible to have that perfect realtionship, you know, great sex, great personality, same goals, dreams, sense of humour, the "spark".
After now not having had sex for a few months, and turning down other guys because I have not met anyone who makes me feel as much as I felt for my ex, I'm thinking maybe once a week sex with someone you really care about and love is actually ok? Or you could have all the sex you want with any number of guys who you have no feelings for. Or you could leave him and wait to see if you find someone better suited, who has the same sex drive. But that person you may have to wait a while to meet, and it will not be your boyfriend. You have to make that choice.
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