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I want sex and my man hasn't touched me in 9 months! What should I do?

Tagged as: Sex, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (23 March 2007) 4 Answers - (Newest, 24 March 2007)
A female Trinidad and Tobago age 36-40, anonymous writes:

I find myself being vibrant and wanting to have sex, but my man hasn't touched me in 9 months. I'm really frustrated and haven't cheated on him. He says it's my attitude, but for 9 months? How come I'm good enough to cook, but not to be intimate with?

I am 28 and he is 43. He has lived with women before and been married twice. This is my 1st time ever living with a guy. He doesn't even own a house! And he always makes it seem as though things are my fault.

We've been together for a little over a year. Should I leave him? Give up on him

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A reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2007):

Has he ever been to a doctor for erectile dysfunction', dear. He is in a prime age group for when this happens to men. No matter the reason for him not wanting to have sex with you...when a man uses a smokescreen like this by and blaming the woman he's supposed to care about, this tell me he is a classic immature, blame shifter. Rather than accepting and taking responsibility for his problem by being honest with you...he finds it easier just to blame and shame you. All of the blame-shifting tactics in the world will not change the fact that his behavior belongs to him and him alone. He is in control of his own behaviors, thoughts and choices in life. Even if one's relationship is wrought with other unspoken problems – problems that make intimacy difficult, he is wrong to make you feel inadequate for his sexual inadequacy. Are you sure you want a future with a weak, dishonest man like this? He is playing mind games, big time and I think you better rethink this relationship. You ask...should you leave? If I were in your shoes..I wouldn't hesitate simply because of the uncaring, unloving, painful actions he has caused with his mind games. Get on with your life and try hard to forget him.

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A female reader, justice123 United States +, writes (24 March 2007):

leave him now girl and run to the mexican borderline he doesnt touch you in 9 months and yall dont have a intimate talking relationship then that means you should keep on looking. you sound like a bright girl.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2007):

He strikes me as an inmature man. he wants a mother figure.

In his hey day he was rampant, but now he wants a slow contented life.

At this age most men initally want to prove that they are up for it as much as a younger man. Then they slow down quickly and die.

Sometimes it is the reason their partners left them, ( ie they don't have a sex drive for long) not your fault.

Set yourself a time limit, three months. six months you decide, and then make your decision.

I have lived without sex for so long, but I have a good man who loves me. I still wonder!!

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A female reader, Cateyes United States +, writes (24 March 2007):

Cateyes agony auntI guess what I don't know is - is if the two of you have been fighting in those 9 months, you mention he says you have a bad attitude. Honestly, do you? I don't think I know of 1 man that could go without for 9 months myself! Because you haven't been married long, this almost makes me feel that you are possibly the bread winner and maybe he is taking advantage of you? There is an age difference, and not that I am against it at all, but could he have some "personal" issues that he could be embarrassed to address? Could there be someone else? If he has children from previous marriages, you can't hold that against him if he doesn't own a home...child support? And if he does pay it..GOD bless him! You just need to set aside some time with him and have a heart to heart talk and really go over WHAT is bothering him...if he says your attitude again, ask him to give you some examples so you can understand. Sex is important in any marriage, it may not be #1 in some, but it is important and you should be having your needs met! Please talk with him and hopefully he will come clean with you on what the problem is, then you will have to decide what you want to do. Good Luck to you!

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