A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm having a bit of difficulty trying to get my girlfriend to open up, she just doesn't seem to talk about things with me, any tips? We've been together for 5 months now. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2008): hey bro the key to that is to just take it slow, dont ask her to open up just simply ask her about what she isnt opening up to. like about her dad, ask her how her dad is and stuff like that. it works trust me
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2008): If you find the answer let me know, I've got roughly 12 months and I haven't figured it out either.
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A
female
reader, whatevergirl26 +, writes (28 March 2008):
 this may sounds weird but when it comes to my feelings i completely shut down. its like i want to talk just can't i get nervous doing it face to face i have been working on this flaw of mine but i find it easier to write and email thats when i can actually allow all the thoughts to flow and come out versus feeling on the spot and having to push all the thoughts out at once cause there are so many going through my head i don't even know where to begin. it may not help but its a way for me to relax enough to make sense of my own thoughts and not feel pressured. just an idea
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2008): Getting mad is just a defensive mechanism that helps protect us. Yes, we do need to control it, but somethings are easier then others to fix. So when someone gets mad after you say something, respond with: I didn't mean you, or, I didn't realize this would upset you, why? This just is a normal procedure in how we learn about each other.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2008): Be patient and understanding with her. And if she tells you something that makes you mad, it is okay to feel how you want to feel, but don't make a big deal about it if it's not something major (like cheating, etc.)
I have a bf now who claims he wants me to be open when something is bothering me, but if I make it known what is bothering me, he gets mad at me sometimes.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2008): I was once told to not use a hammer but a can opener when trying to get someone to open up to you. I always liked this metaphor, and, although it is not always easy, I think it is, more than anything, wise to be mindful of your approach. Tact and understanding go a long way.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2008): Well first I would definately tell you not to force her because she will never open up to you if you pry and try to make her talk. Secondly, try opening up to her about your life, your fears, your goals and such, once she sees that you are interested in opening up to her and talking about things that concern only you, she might be more prone to talking to you about her feelings. Sometimes people don't like to open up and it takes a long time to trust a person so just give her time. Good luck to you.
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