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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: my boyfriend and i have been going out for a year and a half now. once the end of the year comes, we'll be going to different countries to study uni and we have both decided that we have to go our seperate ways. we're both 18. the problem is, i can't even seem to enjoy the time i have with him now. my mind is plagued with thoughts of how i'll be without him, as he has become such a big part of my life. the distance and time difference will make it impossible to continue our relationship. the sad thing is, i somehow feel like he doesn't really care about it. he has asked me to move with him, though that is not a possibility because of our families and different cultures. he has said how much he will miss me etc etc but his actions keep telling me otherwise. having a few months left, i want to spend more time with him but he doesnt seem to think the same as he is always making excuses against making plans together. i feel there is no point in telling him how i feel inside, because once i do, he'll just comply and say he'll do it for me because he loves me. he makes it sound like some sort of favour to me. and i dont want that. i want him to actually WANT to spend time with me, not do it because i FORCED it upon him. lately he makes me feel like being with me is an obligation and i don't know what i can do.
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male
reader, softtouchmale2003  +, writes (9 September 2009):
 He's trying to protect himself from the impending loss. You have so many doubts about culture clashes. And you're both suffering over this situation. Only he's trying to hide it by spending less time with you, so you can get over him.
If you could talk to him, tell him that you don't want to lose him, and the time you have left is very precious to both of you.
If the two of you truly love each other, and you could move with your boyfriend, and there were no family or cultural barriers, would you? If so, then I think that is what he had hoped for. It seems to me that somehow the two of you were able to avoid the existing barriers in order to see each other up until now. And now he's hurting just like you.
There are no easy answers here because, as you said the distance and time differences would make it impossible.
In the meantime, spending time together is probably the nicest and yet most painful thing you can do for each other. Its bittersweet.
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