A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend dragged me to the mall to go shopping with her (it was really boaring). We were there for probably an hour of her trying stuff on. She tried this dress that made her look fat when she asked me what I thought about it. I said it made her look like a fat pig. She didn't say much until we got home. She yelled at me and we started fighting. I ended up sleeping in the guest room hearing her cry the whole night. I wasn't sure weather to ignore it or to talk to her about it. But she told me that she wanted me to be more honest with her. Should I make it up to her? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2009): To get an idea of how she felt, imagine this: you ask her to tell you, in all honesty, what she thinks of your performance in bed, and she replies, "well, actually, you've got by far the smallest penis I have ever seen, when I first saw it I nearly burst out laughing, and since I've been going out with you I haven't even got close to having an orgasm. But in other ways you're really cute, and you make great omelettes, so I'll put up with the lousy sex."
Would you like her to be that honest?
A
female
reader, pebble  +, writes (28 June 2009):
 Boy, do YOU have a lot huge amount of grovelling to do to make up for this silly, hurtful, thoughtless comment.
Smart move buddy!
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A
female
reader, Olivia(Y). +, writes (28 June 2009):
 That was really mean of you. You could of put it nicely to her like saying "I liked the other one better" not "You look like a fat pig" Its a bit childish and she had a right to make you sleep in another room and have a go. If you were my boyfriend i think i would of kicked you out the house.All girls are self-consious over their weight and a comment like that will just throw her confidence.You need to make it up to her big time but comments like that won't be forgotten so its going to take a long time to heal.I think you really need to grow up..Livia
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2009): So you didn't get that calling her a fat pig would make her upset, and when you heard her crying her eyes out, you "weren't sure" about whether you should apologize or not? WOW. Sounds like she must have some serious self esteem problems to actually have her agreeing with you and asking you to be more "honest" with her. I hope that you don't damage her too much and that she finds a better guy after you - someone who will consider her feelings before saying hurtful things.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2009): I'm a bit confused about this. Okay, your girlfriend asked for more honesty, but really. Did you truly not think that saying she looked like a "fat pig" would upset her? Regardless of what she tried on, and whether or not she wanted honesty, it still seems like an obvious thing to me that those words will have a very upsetting effect. If you really care about her and want to try and work this out, I think it will require careful wording. Maybe try telling her that you was feeling a bit down that day and just snapped. Or that you thought SHE looked gorgeous as always, but it was the DRESS that was horiffic, not her. I think it will take more than chocolates and flowers for this. You said she was crying all night, so she must be feeling pretty bad about herself right now. Try and boost her confidence, compliment her, treat her like she is the most loveliest creature you have ever seen. It might take a while, but she will hopefully recover.As for the future, Old Guy is right. It is usually a no-win situation when a female asks for your opinion when trying clothing on! It is a question dreaded by most men, and rightly so! Even if she asks for honesty again, try and be complimentary. If something doesn't look good on her, just say that you don't like that item of clothing. DON'T say that SHE looks awful. Say that the clothing looks awful, if you must.Good luck, I hope things get patched up between you.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (28 June 2009):
 I (again) agree with Old guy. Man you really stepped in it... Have you no tact, no common sense?I see a LOT of sucking up in the future. Not sure she will ever forgive it though.
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A
female
reader, Anna Vera +, writes (28 June 2009):
Ok not the most tactfull way to answer that kind of question. In fact it was sort of mean, being honest is good, but perhaps a more gentle approach to being honest with her will help. And yes by all means you are going to need to make it up to her because right now she is probably feeling as though you aren't attracted to her at all. But for GOD SAKE man do not offer to buy her dinner or get her chocolates :D maybe buy her a stuffed toy pig
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2009): Wow -- she asked you one of the all-time, top-10 no win questions, and you stepped right in it. Good God man, when women say they want more honesty, that is *not* what they mean. You just got an expensive lesson in deciphering the code.
Yes you should try to make it up to her. But I'm not sure that all the sucking up in the world is gonna fix this one.
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A
female
reader, angelsrock18 +, writes (28 June 2009):
 you should have told her it didn't look the best on her and to try another one, DO NOT EVER CALL A GIRL FAT IF YOU CARE ABOUT HER!!!!!1
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A
male
reader, Luaris +, writes (28 June 2009):
 Im not sure if the pig part was necessary, also it is a lot worse if there were other people around who heard you say this, and also the way you said it. I could see myself saying that to my gf and it not being a big deal, but its only cuz weve been dating a long time and I would only say it in private. But yes you definitely should make her feel better. I am kind of surprised that would even be questioned?
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2009): Yes, you should. You have to appreciate that women are far more sensitive than men about their appearance, and I mean really massively more sensitive, to an extent that men often fail to comprehend. I'm a chubby middle-aged man with greying hair and crooked teeth, but I still think I'm God's gift to women, in spite of all the evidence to the contrary. It's just a bloke thing - we have self-confidence by the ton, but women, even the beautiful, intelligent ones, are far less confident about their bodies. It will take her a long time to get over a remark like that, so apologize and get ready to eat a massive slice of humble pie. And tell her that she isn't really fat, but you were just tired or annoyed or something - lie through your teeth and stick to your lie. Never, ever tell a woman that she's fat. If she tries on something that makes her look fat, tell her that it doesn't really suit her, and even when she asks "does my bum look big in this?", don't agree with her, just say something like "no, it's not that, it's, I dunno, it's just not you".Learning to be tactful with women is all part of growing up. Looks like you've just had the first lesson. Learn from it.And a bunch of flowers might be a good idea too.
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