A
female
age
36-40,
*lola_
writes:This has been really getting me down so I'm just wondering if anyone has any advice...7 years ago a boyfriend raped me, I was 16 at the time and I took it pretty badly, I didn't speak a word about it until about a year ago when I told my best friend.After the rape I was constantly scared, had nightmares, flashbacks, depression, low self esteem, fear of intimacy and promiscuty, basically I felt every S**T emotion there is, but I got better and I felt better. I put it out of my mind and when it did ever pop back up I wasn't angry, I just felt bad for the guy, because you'd want to be messed up to do something like that, basically if he had apologised I would have accepted it.Recently, the last month or two, it's really been playing in my mind in the worst possible way, all the bad feelings and emotions are resurfacing and it just doesn't feel fare because I dealt with it.It's gotten so bad that I had to tell my current boyfriend because I don't want to have sex or be touched or anything like that, I'm not even comfortable kissing. Luckily he's been great and really supportive which makes me nearly feel worse.He's not putting me under any pressure at all but I still feel like I have to sort this immediately because I'm in a serious relationship.Sorry this is so long but I guess what I'm asking is:Has this happened to anyone (the reoccurance of trauma)?Why did it come back?Will it go away like last time?Will it come back?Is there a book that could help?My boyfriend suggested therapy but I don't think I'd be comfortable with that, I'd like to keep the past in the past because I've accepted and forgiven, I just want to conquer the side effects, I don't really blame anyone especially not myself, not anymore, and I really have made my peace.I'm just really looking for advice here on how to deal with it, I work in the court system and I hear a lot of rape cases, I'm not in a position to pick and choose what I hear.Thanks for reading this because I know it's long and thanks for any advice you may have!P.S I joined an online support group but I didn't make me feel any better.
View related questions:
best friend, kissing, self esteem Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2009): You are not alone. I was raped 10 years ago when i was 15. Living in South Africa hasn't made it easier, going to court was a nightmare. I since had 3 boyfriends and i had intimacy issues. Good for you for telling your boyfriend, i just didn't have the guts. I took time to work on myself before i can be involved with anybody. Am not in a relationship yet but i am more contend with myself.Take it one day at a time and eventually you'll get there...
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2009): Im a History teacher but I have a minor in Psychology and I can tell you that you are doing the right thing by looking into therapy.
Suppressed emotions always come back with a vengeance. Even if you think that you have gotten over it, you may have really not. I'm just saying this because you need to find someone you trust to talk to completely and without holding back.
...............................
A
female
reader, _lola_ +, writes (22 October 2009):
_lola_ is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks for the answers guysI'm going to look into therapy to see what it'll entail and I will definetly see if I can help the local rape centre xxAlso caring guy if you have any insight on how I can make this as easy as possible for my boyfriend I'd really appreciate it!
...............................
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (22 October 2009):
Hi there.
I'm not sure you've got over this as much as you'd like to think. I think this is a case that you've tried to leave it in the past, but in the back of your mind, you're really hurting. I actually do agree with your boyfriend, I do think you need to face this with a therapist, because only someone like that could help you understand what you've been through. If you're not comfortbale with that, perhaps you could volunteer at a rape crisis centre to help other girls who have been through what you have? That way you could talk to those you underdstand, and who understand you. I know you don't feel upto it all at the moment, but try not to push your boyfriend away, because he'll think you're taking it out on him eventually. Talk to him about how you feel, and don't be afraid to face up to it. I worry that all you've done is push it aside, and now you're in a relationship, it's creeping back. Good luck.
...............................
|
