A
female
age
36-40,
*aiting4ever
writes:I'm 26 years old and my bf of 3 yrs (25) is really dragging his feet on the engagement issue. Since we started dating there has been so much discussion about our future, our children, where we'll live, etc. We've been living together for over 2 years, and I know he loves me enough, but I'm really starting to hit my limit waiting for him to pop the question. We've talked about it and he knows how much stress this has added to my life and he knows (and has agreed with) my hopeful timeline for marriage, children, etc. I am trying to be patient, but I can't handle it much longer. What do I do? I don't think I can stomach walking out, he is truly the love of my life, but I am starting to think I backed myself into a "why buy the milk" situation...I need advice, or some feedback from the male perspective. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2010): Maybe he really believes in marriage intellectually. But when faced with the prospect of it for real, other feelings might surface. Marriage is one of those things that nobody can predict exactly how they will feel about it until they get there.
I'm not necessarily defending his inaction, but I hope you realize that marriage is nothing but negatives for the modern Amerian man. I am amazed that marriages still happen as often as they do these days. The biggest anti-marriage guys I know are not the perpetual bachelors, they are the ones that are divorced.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2010): Thanks for correcting my quote - obviously that's why I posted here, to be corrected.
I don't think I need perspective from someone who doesn't believe in marriage. I know my boyfriend does. and by "loves me enough" I mean he has created a life with me, shared purchases, pets, credit cards, a new car. He goes out of his way to impress and care for me. He absolutely does believe in marriage, and I know he wants it to be with me. I am simply trying to understand what might make a guy drag his feet to something that he has shown every interest in doing. Everyone around us thought it would have happened a year ago, including his best friend, brother, parents, etc. which is why this is so confusing.
Thanks for the other answers, they've helped a bit
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A
male
reader, alejandro +, writes (6 January 2010):
Number 1 reason to not move in before their is an actual wedding. But since that has already happen, talk to him, tell him how much marriage means to you and that you want to get married. As a guy he may think there is no point since you already live together , so it is up to you to point out why marriage is wonderful. good luck.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (5 January 2010):
 "and I know he loves me enough"
Enough for what and how do you know?
And I think you mean "why buy the cow". The milk is the sex.
Since you have talked to him about this, he clearly has reasons not to ask. What they are is for you to find out.
Since you ask for a male perspective, my own reason for not popping the question is that I personally do not like the entire institution of marriage.
Has he committed in other ways (shared mortgage, same bank account etc)? If not, then I would say he just doesn't see you there for the long term.
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