A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi I think I have commitment problems but really need advice as it could be something else. I was very unhappily married for 10 years with a man who used to be emotionally abusive but felt really stuck and trapped in that marriage - I married young (age 21) and during the whole of that marriage I just never stuck at a job. It was never that the employer did not think I was good far from it. In fact it was usually when they promoted me that I jacked the job in. I also left jobs in a very unprofessional / uncaring way often just leaving one day and not coming back and leaving people wondering 'why?'. I also took jobs that I knew were not right or contract jobs so that I did not have to stay in them very long. When I look back I wonder whether I was changing jobs because I could not change other things in my life. Now I have lived in rented houses (4 different ones in the last 4 years) and despite having a loyal, loving and stable opportunity with a boyfriend I seem unable to commit to him and now he is starting to give up - and the silly thing is I dream about living with him and having a wonderful life so don't understand myself. I find that every decision I try to make I do all the ground work, research prepare things so far and then I never actually make a decision on something or follow it through. This issue spans all kinds of things big and small from always saying "I'm not sure can I let you know nearer the time" when people ask me to a social event to not feeling like I know where home is, and it is affecting my relationships too. I think people are starting to hold back or withdraw and I don't blame them. I feel very fed up and on my own with this problem and can't seem to break out of it. I had a very stable childhood both my parents were very devoted and we lived in the same house for 17 years. Has anyone else experienced this kind of problem I have? Any advice would be useful - thank you in advance.
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female
reader, Cateyes  +, writes (28 June 2008):
 A part of me says in a way I can relate from one of my past relationships. What I think is, that you are still feeling and viewing things from your past. I don't feel you ever REALLY let go of them. I think because you were emotionally abused, it's like those thoughts still linger in your ear and maybe you just gave up on yourself, what you do, what you like to do, how you feel about things.....THIS IS YOUR TIME TO SHINE! You have a person in your life that you can see a future with. Ask yourself do you really want to lose him??? If not, YOU need to come out of your shell and be the person who you really are. Stop listening to those voices telling you forget it, not going to finish it, who cares it's no big deal, any negative thought you might be hearing...destroy it, and think positive no matter what. Motivate yourself to do and most importantly, finish and complete all tasks. Set a deadline. If you like your job and enjoy working there, stay! Talk to people everyday, ask how they are, show concern for others...get involved with people and enjoy their company.
Talk to your "friend", share your concern with him...if he is a good catch, he'll understand...at least he will know your going through something and he may try to even help you. But if you don't, you just might lose him.
Never fear you can talk to someone...lesson many of us have learned. Because if they love you truly, they will show concern and be there for you. Best of luck!
A
female
reader, peaches83 +, writes (28 June 2008):
 i think the problem is you became use to the way you lived your life before, always feeling like you were not good enough and unhappy.
Your mind nd your heart are just waiting for it to start again.
I know many ppl will say this but it will just take time.
Maybe see a councilor???
Does your boyfriend know what you delt with in your last relationship and how you felt? maybe speaking to him about it will help you.
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