A
female
age
41-50,
*ilyrose
writes:I have met my boyfriend 10 years ago , but we really stayed together since 2005 in a long distance relationship.He is a really nice guy.Until on oct 11,2010,i went to Lisbon to stay with him for 3 weeks.In those 3 weeks,he constantly emotionally treated me very bad.He kept on telling me what to do around the house, and doing some things for him,saying that i am dumb etc.He sometimes would punch my arm,and says he was just playing.My arm was hurting the whole day.He would also tell me to charge his phone but he never use the word please.We were in a long distance relationship,but he sounded so sweet on the phone,but since i went to Lisbon ,i noticed that he is someone else,an abusive guy who tells me what to do,what types of lingeries that i should wear etc.Whenever we have sex,he gets mad at me for having anal sex,i said no,and he got mad at me.For him not to stay mad at me,i had to have anal sex ven if i did not want to.Whenever we finished having sex,he tells me to throw away the condom,i have to do almost everything for him.We are thinking of getting married and living together.Is my boyfriend abusive?what should i do?One day he went to a disco and after he left,i went to the front door and i found out that i was locked inside the house.Should i marry him and live with him?i love him and he loves me,we met in the year 2000.
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female
reader, AlinaCoop  +, writes (19 December 2010):
 Please,please..leave as soon you can that man!!!! ...what do you expect?? you are no married with him yet..you are there just for 3 weeks..and him is using you...don't be stupid girl, how he can go a disco and locked the door??...he can go out but you can not..is incredible how we don't have enough love and pride for ourselves.
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (19 December 2010):
 I have noticed that we keep having unbelievable posts that disappear later.
If this is a real post, then I beg to disagree with Marcia above. This is not a case of cultural clash. The Portuguese are not that different from the Spaniards. This is a case of the man being abusive, purely and simply, and the woman being in serious need of help to stand up for herself.
If this is a real post, then, poster, you know that you don't have to stand this treatment, and you know you must not marry the man.
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A
female
reader, marcia99116 +, writes (19 December 2010):
 OMG! This is a huge case of cultural clash - run away. This is not behavior that will change if you marry. It will only get worse. He expects you to behave like the women of his society. Locking you in the house and you have to even ask? You need to seek a counselor right away. To even consider marrying someone who does not validate you and makes you do things you do not want to do and treats you as a slave. You need to find out why women fought for equality... why they burned bras and demanded equal rights. You are not someone's property to be told what to do, how to do it. You are a person and have a mind with thoughts of your own. You will not be allowed to have thoughts counter to his... get help and fast. Stop this relationship immediately or you will regret it for the rest of your life. Anyone can be someone else through text and over the phone - the real person is whoever is before you in action. His actions have proven his cultural way of treating woman is so ingrained as to not ever be able to change. I do not think he would want to change. Locking you in a house!! and you have to ask.I tell you to see a counselor because I feel you have issues with not being able to see the value in yourself. I feel you think this is your fault (his behavior) and that you must have done something wrong in order to have deserved it. This is an issue that needs therapy if any of this paragraph is how you feel.I have watched my mom for 30 years live in these types of relationships... ones I will not allow for myself which is why I am so head strong and stubborn to the point of never letting anyone else tell me what to do even when what they tell me makes since. I instantly disregard suggestions that come in the form of demands. You don't want to put whatever family you have with a man like this through this same type of abuse... it will be no different for them. If you think you deserve it or may change it... you will not!
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