A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Met a guy at work about two years ago, I left the job but we remained in touch via facebook and telephone.We started dating about 9 months ago, things started of well, but then he started going cold on me (distant). He then said he wanted us to be good friends but not a relationship. I said fine and never got in touch with him as often although he did me.One day we were chatting on line and he asked me what i was up to, i told him I was going some place with a mystery guy and why? He hung up on me! I tried contacting him to no avail and left a message that if thats they way he feels I will not contact him, I will leave him alone.He never got back to me, but later I told him that i did want us to be friends but he didnt have to do that to me, he came back saying he felt that we should have space. Gave him space two months of space, he contacted me, we went out for lunch, he was affectionate and wanted to know how I was etc etc, but yet still distant.The trouble is I do not see him as a friend, I see him as much more, I have feelings for him, I feel he has feelings for me too. Do you think we could be more than just friends?
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female
reader, dijoyful +, writes (21 August 2010):
 Even though he really likes you it sounds to me like he has other things going on in his life, which makes him emotionally available. Probably best to try not to build this friendship up into something more than what it is. For now anyway.
Best wishes
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (21 August 2010):
 I think he's just starting to wean off the feel good brain chemical while you still feeding on it. When there's an initial attraction, you can get along well with just anyone, but after that infatuation stage you operate on different level, you look for more than just physical attraction. You are still the same woman but suddenly he looks at you with a different set of eyes.
If he can only feel safe being a friend, then be the best friend you could be. Be a friend that he could not live without. Slowly and slowly you would be doing more things together. It's a bad thing to say you would be tricking him to be a boyfriend in a sneaky way but that's what you should do. A more positive way to say this is to have faith in him.
At first I thought it was rude of him to hung up, but it could also mean that he's jealous that he could just be replaced like that, as if that 9 months meant nothing. That 9 months meant something. If you can be okay with being a friend, it gives him time to get to know you better. A friend only means taking it slowly. It means don't let feelings get control of your decisions. You can make him spend the rest of his life getting to know you, on deeper levels even. What's the use of getting into a romance relationship when you can talk as friends? Let him know that you can actually talk without nagging and screaming. He wants to know that you are compatible in many other levels more than just physical attraction.
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