A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid,I find myself with a dilemma. A friend of mine tried to hook me up with her uncle who lives in another state. We started talking online, but I wasn't really interested in him as a potential partner. I continued to talk to him though since I hate to be impolite and he was fun to talk to as a friend. It seems as if I may have been too nice since he's coming here to look for a job. I'm afraid he's doing this because he may be interested in furthering a relationship I've never really seen to exist. What do I do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Oblivia  +, writes (18 August 2007):
 How did you talk to him? If you give it an honest thought, how could he have interpreted what you said to him? I'm not asking this to implie that you deceived him any way, but the answer to this is a clue to how to act now. If you did speak in a manner that he could have taken as an interest in you to maybe have a relationship with him, then I think you must tell him that you are not interested and maybe not reply more out of politeness.
If you didn't say anything that could, in a normal person's head, be interpreted as a clear I'm interested in you too, then I believe he too has a responsibility to ask you straight out before he moves whether you are at all considering you two to be a possible couple in the future. And if you never met, then I think he should take it a little easier. It is not all your responsibility. Sounds like him taking a long shot chance, and that is his responsibility. Be careful though how you speak to him further so he doesn't misunderstand your intentions.
I think also you should speak to your friend who tries to hook you up. You don't know what she might have told him. I understand that it could feel weird for you to tell him you are not interested if you never even talked about it. I think you should tell your friend how you feel and then maybe she could help you out and talk to him about why he wants to move and tell him to not put too much hopes into you if that is the main reason for him to move.
Did you ask him why he decided to move? Could there be any other reasons as well?
Hope this is of some help, wish you luck!
A
male
reader, somewhat_anonymous +, writes (18 August 2007):
If you are pretty sure this is why he is moving and you are sure you don't want a relationship, ask him why he is moving and if he tells you what you think you already know, tell him you don't want a relationship. It's that simple. Doing it is the hard part, but it is better to be honest now, avoid any more mistakes, and not lead him on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2007): It's okay to be nice to ppl but make sure ppl know what you have in mind. My advice to you is to speak to him and make sure this change in location and searching for a new job is something he wants to do for "himself." You can also state that when you speak to him. It's certainly not okay to lead someone on. Does he know you're "not" interested? Or have you not mentioned that strongly enough? Tell him honestly that he has been a great friend to you and you're glad he wants to move but specify that you're delighted you'll have another "friend" living closer. Hope this helps.
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