A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:Hello I am 18 and have just finished my last year at college. For about the past year, I keep forming attractions towards my male friends. I mean yes before then I'd be sexually attracted to guys I speak to once or pass in the street but never friends. Lately I'll become friends with a guy, to the point where we can let loose and be ourselves, and then I just start thinking about them sexually. Like I cannot help it. I don't want this to happen as I like there to be a fine line between my male friends and potential partners. This has happened with a handful of my male friends this year, to the point where I had sex with one of them. Those circumstances are more complicated than I would be able to explain on here but I guess that was just a heated situation that got out of control (well we were protected, but you know, it wasn't supposed to happen with a friend). I did not know he had sexual feeling for me like that until then. I mean I do not plan on having sex with every male friend or every guy that shows interest, not at all. But I hate this. Because it always starts with genuine friendship, and then months later I just start to see them differently and then just don't feel the same or act the exact same anymore. So much as a hug then becomes much more in my mind than it should be... Just a hug. I mean after a while, the attraction usually passes and I can see them as no more than a friend again, which is odd, but I'd prefer it if the feelings just never surfaced to begin with. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2017): What you are feeling is totally normal at 18 you explain that you had sex with ONE of your male friends and it was protected I'm not sure why wise owl is making out like your some sort of out of control hormonal mess who doesn't have a good family you sound like you are intelligent and have been brought up well to be questioning these feelings. Never feel that you shouldn't have friends of the opposite sex it's good to mix with both genders at 18 and learn life lessons, there isn't really a way of stopping sexual attraction just know your limitations maybe just avoid situations where it's just the two of you alone hang out in groups or in public places, not all young men are out for sex but just keep in mind they have the same hormonal desires as you just probably stronger, keep being sensible with the safe sex. It's very easy at 18 to confuse friendship and attraction but it's good your questioning it it will come with age as you learn what your really attracted to and what you want in a partner at the moment you probably feel like this about a lot of your male friends because your still learning about your likes and dislikes ... you'll be just fine. Stay safe!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2017): What you're describing is an unsupervised teenage-girl going through puberty without parental-guidance, or parental-controls. Your mother never told you about hormones; and how a young lady should handle herself around boys?
Boys will do whatever you let them. The thing about boys in your age-group is that they share everything they see, hear, and do with their friends. They tell everything. If you want to keep what you're doing to yourself; try keeping your clothes on, and just let sex be a thought.
You're a person, and you have to have self-respect. You also have to make boys respect you.
Only animals act on their impulses without thinking, or having no concern for the consequences. If they get pregnant, they instinctively know how to care for their young. They don't have to worry about STD's, and they don't have to go to college; or get a job to take care of themselves and their young.
Learn to control yourself, and you'll be just fine. Share your feelings with your mother; or an older-sister, if you have one. Don't hang around with boys so much. You're a girl, and that's only what they see. They have thoughts too, but they can't get pregnant. Alone, they will only see you as someone to experiment with sexually; and you might end-up alone with the wrong boy.
The feelings are natural. They will surface again and again; but you're supposed to control them.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (13 June 2017):
 Do you flirt with any of them? Sit close on the sofa/floor? Act cutesy together, thinking it's harmless? Talk about sex or similar, even just in conversation? Hang out alone?
If you do any of these, it encourages your hormones to attach to them. It's just hormonal, but you need strong boundaries with friends.
At your age (but also when you're older), it's actually a good idea to be friends before being a couple because you have a good foundation. That said, it's not good to repeat it until you have no friends left, as few people can stay friends with their exes.
Just keep reminding yourself not to cross boundaries and you'll make it through the hormonal rollercoaster! :)
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