A
female
age
30-35,
*velynsvintage
writes:Since my boyfriend and I have been dating he has from the start never been afraid to tell me things. Bad things that happened when he was younger etc. I haven't opened up to him at all. I had something that has really traumatized me I just don't want him to see me as weak. I've never even cried in front of him. How can I let him in? Guys like to see a softer side? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (9 June 2013):
 How long have you been dating?
Just because you aren't ready to open up about a traumatizing event that happened to you doesn't mean that you shut him out. You are simply not ready. Intimacy takes on many forms, and sharing a past trauma or emotional event is one of those intimate moments.
Remember always -- intimacy and vulnerability among lovers is not weakness. In fact, it takes only the very strong to have the courage to do so.
I asked how long you've been dating because if you're newly together, too much intimacy can be smothering at the start of a relationship. In fact, it can come across as needy without the proper amount of time in.
Now, if he's told you things about himself that are on par with what has happened to you, then you're well on your way. Tell him in your own time, and there will be an opportunity to do it.
Don't think you need to, just because he's shared with you. It's the old "I open the kimono, you open yours" syndrome. You do not "owe" him an equally intimate story unless you're comfortable telling it. So erase your guilt now. A flower cannot be forced open, but the warmth of the sun gently entices it. Love is the same way.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2013): If you don't want to reveal details of your past to him and you don't feel comfortable then don't. Not crying in front of him doesn't mean your not being open with him. Guys can want what they want. You didn't say if you were in a committed long term relationship a monogamous one that is. There is a time to be hard and a time to be soft. You decide that between the two of you. Don't worry if he is the one for you he will eventually ask you personal questions then you decide to answer or not. I am presently in a committed long term relationship of almost four years I just found out that my girlfriend used to get beat up by her mother when she was younger. She came from a strict religious group. I didn't freak out about it because I knew she would stand by my side what ever happened. It was probably the hardest thing she ever had to do. It all worked out at the end. I gave her my full support and love and she only shed a few tears and it worked out okay. I hate her birth mother but she drank herself to death and she was only in a grave yard where I couldn't give her a piece of my mind. Her stepmom is fantastic. So it appears what you and I think are horrible and unforgivable in the end do seem to work out. Please remember you are human not a saint or martyr they are dead. Never ever blame yourself for something you may not of had much control of in the past. The past doesn't have to equal the future. You have a
right to protect your heart. If your boyfriend is truly going to be your man in the future you will open up at your time and choosing. Please don't beat yourself up. move forward and hold your head high. Good luck. xoxo
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