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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Hi,I have recently found out that my now fiancee of 5 years cheated on me 2 years ago in a one night stand. We went through a really awful rough patch for most of 2008 and this is when he cheated on me. We decided to have time apart when he went away with the RAF but had agreed we wouldnt go with anyone else.I feel so betrayed by him. He is currently in Afghanistan and has tried to get flights home to be with me. Im glad he can't at the moment as i have needed the time to think about what has happened. He says he is truely sorry and i believe he is suffering massively out there. We are suppose to be getting married next year in June.I just don't know what to do and if i should give us another chance?
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female
reader, standbyyourman  +, writes (22 June 2010):
I have been in your shoes my darling and it is brutal, your mind is a whirlwind of emotions, one minute anger, one minute sadness, and all of it painful. Here is my story it is very similar to yours in many respects but may perhaps give you a glimpse into the future if you choose to stay.
I began living with my now husband in October 2005, we were planning to get married October 2006 (8 years from the day we met.) During this year while waiting to be married, he had to deploy to Afghanistan for 4-6 months. While he was away and I was busy planning our wedding, he was sleeping with a past flame (they were never in a relationship as she was married but she fooled around with him sexually). I found out and was CRUSHED my heart felt like it had shattered into a million pieces and I thought I could never recover. He professed his love, said he had never been so scared as he was when he thought he lost me. After a few months we decided to go ahead with the wedding...I justified it to myself (well he was away and lonely and only human.) Things seemed to be going great and on our one year anniversary we concieved our beautiful son. Something changed in him, with him being gone so much with military service, mostly to really fun places, he began wanting a threesome with this other girl he cheated on me with, he went so far as to invite her to our house, needless to say this was too much for me and a fight started...that night while I lay drunk on the floor my husband had sex in our marriage bed with this woman again...He claimed he only did it because I had fought with him and hit him so he did it to "get even" with me for hitting him. I do not justify my actions violence is never the answer. After that we somehow made it through mostly with a lot of work and mostly on my part I am not sure how but eventually I even began to trust him again...things were looking up. Then in June this very year this very MONTH! He once again left to Las Vegas and went home with some woman 10 years older than me...he spent 3 nights with her...what's worse he continued texting her after he returned home...that is how I discovered although something told me he was cheating. Deep down I knew...I have talked to this woman..I have seen her pictures...and as of right now I am trying to find the answers myself how many times do you forgive? If you love someone do you have to love all of them....even unfaithfulness? He has a million excuses, a million reasons why he can't help it, he says he will never do it again but all I can do is laugh at that statement...but we have 3 children 1 he has with a previous relationship, 1 I have from a previous marriage and now our son who is 2, and he is about to deploy again for a few months....I am completely torn and with me not being the youngest of women, having 3 children in this, having been dependent on him for income for the last 5 years, it is really hard to walk away. If you do stay be sure you remain independent, do not rush into marriage, do NOT have children with him until he can be trusted....and honestly I have never met a man who cheated "only once". I dearly love this man, but at what cost to my own self? I am broken and I only want to save you from this pain.
A
female
reader, Bexie777  +, writes (21 June 2010):
Thankyou all for your replies....
I think this is the hardest thing ever. He is so desperate for me to forgive him. He has showered me in flowers and words of apologies! This obviously is no deal breaker of course!!
I love him so much but i guess what it comes down to is if i can forgive him and put it in the past!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2010): Thankyou all for your replies....
I think this is the hardest thing ever. He is so desperate for me to forgive him. He has showered me in flowers and words of apologies! This obviously is no deal breaker of course!!
I love him so much but i guess what it comes down to is if i can forgive him and put it in the past!!
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A
female
reader, kayla20 +, writes (21 June 2010):
 well i seem to hear of this alot my ex done the same to me cheated on me when we were going through a rough patch however i think he was just using that as an excuse to make it not sound so bad but iv heard of him cheating on me plenty of times when we were together but excused it because i wanted to be sure and i still havent found out till this day but when the suspicions where there i lost my trust for him and got really paranoid in the end i had to end the relationship and it was the best thing i had ever done.my advise to you is everyone makes mistakes and if u think you can trust him still and accept what you have found out then stay with him if you now have problems trusting him or wondering what else he could have done or be doing then get out.id never again stay with anyone who had cheated on me even once because i now believe once a cheater always a cheater and once they cheat your relationship will be doomed but hey its different for everyone but i think you really need to think about this and maybe put the wedding off until you know for sure you can trust the man your about to commit to for the rest of your life cos you dont want to end up divorced within a couple of yrs even months good luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2010): That's something only you can decide to be honest. In my book cheating is a deal breaker and always has been.
You'll have to think long and hard about this and give yourself time to process it. Don't make any decisions until you've thoroughly weighed all your options.
You have to decide whether you'll be able to forgive and trust him, if you don't think you can then the relationship might be beyond slavage. At the moment you have the benefit of being able to think about this without him being around, so use that time well to sort out your feelings.
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A
female
reader, ctds001 +, writes (21 June 2010):
Hi Honey
The most distressing part of your post is that you had a rough time for a year!
The cheating is a big sign of Respect missing from your relationship.
I would definaly delay the wedding and see if your man is truly sorry. If he's behaviour or the relationship goes down hill again, Leave and don't look back.
Life is precious why spend years unhappy. Some people just aren't meant to be together, but pride makes them try even though they are unhappy more times then happy.
Keep us updated
Good luck xx
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2010): I think you should give him a chance. It was 2 years ago! It would be different if you weren't have a rough patch when it happened. Everyone makes mistakes so you either need to drop it or end it. What's done is done.
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