A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:In some years to come I want to move out in the country to a house that has been in the family for generations. I grew up in the house surounded with a big family and relatives. They have houses just nearby or even a smaller house built into the house I now want to live in. I want to move into the family house with my girlfriend that I've been living with for two years. We're very happy, and we get along on most issues in life. We both want to live close to our parents so we can meet often and they can help with the kids.Here's the problem though. My girlfriend isn't to keen on the idea of living with my family so close by. Specially she doesn't like her inlaws living in the built-in house. My family are very friendly and understanding and would never interfere with our lifes though. Possibly I could make them to leave but it would feel rude. Also what should be done with the extra house next to ours if my parents didn't live there? I really wish my girldfriend would at least try to live in the house for some time, during summer or something. She would see how nice it would be. So help. Should I give up the idea of living in the house? Or will my girlfriend come around eventually?I really want to live in the family house! It's my lifelong dream. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (29 May 2010):
 That's your lifelong dream, but it's not your girlfriend's dream. In fact, I can understand how it could be her worst nightmare. No disrespect meant for your relatives, she may have nothing personal against them , and in fact even like them, but it's normal for a modern young woman to want privacy ,her own space,authonomy and a reasonable distance from the in laws . Your patriarchal dream may be nice but I do not think you'd find many young women willing to make it come true.
See if you can compromise- like living somewhere else but spending there weekends and holidays. Or living in the nearest town or village.
If no compromise is workable, unfortunately you may haveto rethink your idea of a common future- this is not just about putting a roof over your head, it's about having different visions and priorities in life.
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (29 May 2010):
 You could ask her to go back with you and stay a few days in that house to get her accustomed to that environment. If she likes it , then you can move back there one day.
Maybe, when you have babies, she will change her mind.
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