A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, my husband has said that he does not feel like sex because he is tired, sick of work, etc. We have sex about once every 3 weeks, which is sending me crazy. He is late 40's and I am mid 30's. He has been like this since I put on 20kg (after child birth) and I know that the weight is part of it. He also sits on the computer all night and comes to bed after I have fallen asleep. I really love him but I have had enough and lack of affection is making me miserable. I don't want to leave him but I do not know what to do. I also resent him because he doesnt want me sexually. What do I do? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, LallaZine  +, writes (30 July 2009):
 Please do not blame yourself, it sounds like that is what you are starting to do. Don't believe that just because you have put on weight, your husband is behaving like this as a result. To me it sounds like he has a lack of respect, some men become comfortable because everything is done for them and being selfish they can expect to be able to treat you as they like and forget about how you are feeling.It may be the case that he has his own problems going on. Maybe he is suffering from depression or there are problems at work and perhaps he takes it out on you because you're the nearest person to him. It may not be as bleak as you think. There is a ten year age gap between me and my boyfriend and I feel that he takes me for granted, like he's got comfortable, it's like I'm just 'there'. But you know what? As difficult as it may seem, you have to start enjoying your life separately from him. Don't dwell too much on it especially if you sense that he is trying to make you feel bad.Maybe if he sees that you act like you've got your own hobbies, interests etc. going on, he will start craving your attention again - but do you give it to him straight away? No. Make him wait, it sounds like he needs to learn a little respect.Chin up and please do not lose sleep over this. I understand where you are coming from, but life is too short. Why should he dictate the way you feel every morning when you wake up. Take control of your life, there's no time like the present! Good luck and let me know how you get on.LallaZine xx
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