A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:OK, so here's the deal. I've been with my boyfriend for just about 5 years - mostly long distance. About 2 months ago, I moved cross-country to be with him. We got an apartment together (and even a puppy), and I thought everything was going really well. So well, in fact, that I wanted to set up a special surprise mini-vacation for us. His brother lives in the area, and I needed his number to call and see if he could watch the puppy while we were away. Therefore, I grab my bf's cell phone to get the number, and right away up pops a text message. It turns out that he had sent a text to someone (not sure who) that read: "Want to give me a massage?". This person then responded with what I assume is a smiley face (:)) I was sorta taken aback, and although I'm not the snooping type and was secure in our relationship (up until that point) my curiosity got the better of me and I scrolled through more of his texts. (He also called the number a few times -- yeah, I guess now I'm a bonified private investigator)-- Anyways, nothing unusual for a while, and then...a few that legitimately sounded like they came from a prostitute - (I could only read her responses to whatever he had sent: "about $250"; "u sound like a cop"; "email me don't call me k?"). I tried to come up with some other explanation for these, but now I'm starting to get worried. All of these messages were sent while he was on his way to work, after leaving home. Now I don't know what to think. I guess part of me knows it's wrong to have persisted and gone through his phone, I never would have dreamed of doing so in the past...but maybe I should be worried? Any advice?!? Thanks so much
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female
reader, sweety22  +, writes (11 July 2008):
 it des sound bad but your right to stay so calm it seems unlikely but there could be an explanation. some people do have harmless relationships that seem cheeky or inappropriate but its just the way they go on. either way dont jump the gun. honesty is always the best option but of course he may be a bit defensive if he found you read his messages so if you feel you cant be totally open maybe its best to try a repeat of the first message where you innocently come across her next message. you seem to have done alot of investigating with times etc so hopefully this will be possible and you just ask him straight out who this person is and what they're talking about. no accusations just questions. you'll know if he's lying if he gives a wrong time frame or false information about something he doesn't know you know. then its time to kick ass! if not then you can trust his answer and regain your security in this relationship. and if you cant plan to be the one with his phone for the next message there are plenty of ways to "come across" them like looking to read one of your messageson his phone etc im hoping there's some funny explanation to all this or mybe he needs your support in something but if your worry is founded then you should definitely let him know what a horrible person he is and realize that its not reflection on you but him. hope it works out ok though
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2008): It might not even be a prostitute. You never know.
I can't assume, but either way you can't try and keep thinking of excuses for him. Other ways around it. I know its harsh but its the harsh reality you need to realize before he really starts messing you around - or you find out the hard way...
What you could do is continue to get more information so you have a stronger thought about what it could realistically be in your mind. Or you could just have it out with him now.
Either way, it doesn't look like what hes doing is innocent...
Sorry I couldn't bring more good news.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2008): hi i think you should come out with the truth and talk about it he may have a good reason for it the best thing in a relation ship is trust and if he realy is seeing some one i think you should end your relationship
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