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I promised my husband I'd quit smoking, but I started again and he caught me

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Question - (2 April 2009) 5 Answers - (Newest, 18 September 2010)
A female United States age 51-59, *assycat writes:

I recently got married in Sept. When my husband and I met I smoked. When we moved in with each other I had to quit because we live with his grandfather who hates smokers along with my husband didn't like it either.My husband actually gave me an altimatem that he wouldn't marry me unless I quit. I did quit for almost a yr. Anyway when I lost my job I became bored and started again but didn't tell him. I never did it around him, and I want to quit, and I know I was wrong for not telling him. I was scared because he is the best thing that has ever happened to me and he had told me he would put me out if he caught me smoking again which he has. When he gets mad he doesn't tell me he loves me and he doesn't talk to me. What can I do to not lose him?

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A female reader, candyheart Canada +, writes (18 September 2010):

dear sassycats ... did you have quit cigarettes succesfully?

I am having a similar problem with you I have a sweet kind loving husband and I am afraid he will want to leave me because of my cigarettes addictions. He didn't understand how hard it is to quit he expected me to go cold turkey. And his biggest problem is me going behind his back smoking. I really want to quit is there any advice? Oh god I need help

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2009):

Hi,

I told my husband he had to quit or I couldn't marry him too. Well, 6 months later I found a little box in his shirt. Busted! I was NOT happy, but he has the respect to never smoke in the house, and he's had a hard childhood so I know it's a stress reliever for him. BUT he WANTS to quit. Last year he quit for 6 months, we got him a little cake to celebrate a 6 month no-smoking anniversay...but his face looked guilty and he confessed he started up a Week earlier! He's tried hot balls(candy)--burns your mouth, chewing gum, the patch made him sick, once I told him to smoke ten at once to get sick to your stomache...of course he didn't. The Only thing that helped him was calling the Blue Cross Blue Shield 'quit smoking' hotline. Talking to a real person really helped. (they called him on a frequent basis). I just found this number from the Mayo Clinic..best clinic I've known, it's 1-800-957-2950 /[email address blocked] to Encourage * Motivate * Support in assisting smokers to quit. It's sounds similar to the one husband tried. All the best!

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A female reader, kellyxxx United Kingdom +, writes (2 April 2009):

kellyxxx agony auntI find that keeping busy is the best way to stop, start going to the gym or jogging with a friend! X

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A female reader, sassycat United States +, writes (2 April 2009):

sassycat is verified as being by the original poster of the question

sassycat agony auntHello to those who answered. Well today when he gets home from work will tell me if he's done being mad. I feel like he should be more supportive, but his family history apparently no one ever liked smokers. He had also told me before hand that if I continued to smoke we would of never continued our relationship. Don't get me wrong, other than feeling strongly about the smoking he isn't controling. He gives me all the love and caring I need. He spoils me actually!!!! I took him for granted and this was aweful on my part to go and do this behind his back. I guess he will come around, but as of today I will not smoke. My marriage and my health are becoming # 1. Does anyone else turn to food as a comfort? I do and this will be hard also. My doctor wants me to lose weight due to some health issues and when I quit smoking before this is when I put on the weight I have now. When I smoke I find that helps with not over eating. Well, I will do my best and if I end up in divorce because I started smoking then I guess it's not meant to be.

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A female reader, kellyxxx United Kingdom +, writes (2 April 2009):

kellyxxx agony auntget help so tht you can quit smoking. its true that if its something you enjoy you shouldnt have to quit however what do you love more? your husband or smoking! what would you do if you got pregnant with his child? you couldnt smoke then, quit now!x

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