A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I need to learn how to say no. I generally end up saying "yes" to everybody and stretching myself thin to keep my promises. I'm working on my dissertation at the moment and there's a company that really wants me to translate and write content for their websites. I told them I'd like to do it, but my dissertation is taking up a lot of time and I want to graduate this year. The company owner is an acquaintance of mine and asked me before. I told him no because of my dissertation. Unfortunately he's the kind of guy who views a no as a challenge to get you to say yes. So he insisted I'd be done with my dissertation in no time and could help him out at the end of the month (which is now) but I'm no where near to actually finishing it up. He's the sort of guy who can talk anyone into anything and he's very kind about it, which makes it even harder to say no.I'd like to get the job for my resume but I also know I'll be miserable juggling school and translating and writing all this stuff to fit the deadline (I basically need to do the content for 6 websites, which is about 300 pages in total). It also doesn't pay very well (around 230 dollars for the whole job). I don't really know what to do. I don't want to disappoint him but I also don't want to accept and miss the deadlines because I can't find time. Any advice? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2015): Bravo! Kudos to you!
If you have the time to spare, you don't have to let down a friend. People who pressure favors out of you are essentially using you. Honeypie is correct, this is your first step to being a strong woman. You most certainly do have to set boundaries and learn to say "no;" or you will find yourself being run ragged and totally sidetracked.
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (28 May 2015):
 Good for you!
For a "first step" in being an adult woman and learning to set boundaries and tell people no, you DID great!
It does get easier with age!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your advice!
I contacted him, saying that if he wants those translations fast, he needs to contact someone else, because I can't do it. I told him I'm not yet done with my dissertation and that I'm not going to rush it. I'm not going to accept any jobs until after I graduate, because I don't want to make any promises I can't keep.
He said he understood and that he didn't need the translations yet, so he would contact me when he needs them and if by then I can't or won't, that's that, no problem. I replied saying that was fine, but that if I'm available by then we will also have to renegotiate the price, because I feel it's not enough. He said we'll cross that bridge when we get there.
Anyway, things are handled for now, and thanks to you all I realized I need to learn to stand up for myself, because being too nice and accommodating just makes people want to take advantage. I've been raised to always be meek and that's backfiring on me now.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (26 May 2015):
I agree with WiseOwlE
PUT your education first. A shitty dissertation is worthless. POUR your work into making THAT a great one.
As for this dude, if he is not a person you see often, but he calls/texts - I would tell him, HEY why don't I get back to you when I'm DONE with my dissertation? It is by FAR more important to me than anything else right now. And I have no PLAN on "hurrying" through it. I would suggest if you need those translations done, that you find someone else, because I DO NOT have the time. If he can't take a no, block his number or just IGNORE his calls for now.
By the way $230 for 300 pages is him ripping you off. I do occasional translations I made $750 for 40 pages (and many of those were with only a few lines on them).
Another thing, EVERY girl NEEDS to learn to say no. No to getting a drink, no to doing someone a favor (if you don't have the time), NO. IT is NOT being rude to say no. Sometimes you just DO NOT have the time or WANT to do something, much better to say NO than feeling obligated.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2015): HiYou just have to decide which one is more important to you as you have stated that you can't do both. That means that one has to go. Why can you not help him with the work when your dissertation is finished?It sounds as if you have already decided which one is more important, because you've already refused him. To stop yourself from feeling too bad about refusing him again, I suggest you think about how he could not give a toss about your feelings on the matter. He is trying to get you to write off all your hard work that you have done so far on your dissertation, so that you can be cheap labour for him. Realise that this man does not have your best interests at heart. He is only worried about himself. My advice is to disappoint him and take pleasure in doing so. This is a little game for him and imagine how surprised he will be at your assertiveness and also how much he will suddenly start to respect you. Good luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2015): Put your education first. You need to practice setting priorities; and putting your set commitments ahead of favors.
If you let men push you around, that's how it will be all your life. Now is a good time to put your assertiveness into practice; and start building your muscles as a strong woman. Favors are done at your own convenience. People who like you only when you bend to their will aren't friends.
You should also start building your leadership-skills, setting your own goals, and achieving them. DO NOT submit some shoddy lack-luster dissertation you threw together;
because you were too passive (wimpy for a better word) to turn down some jerk who wouldn't let up.
Grow a pair, girlfriend!
Never weaken to the pleas of people who dismiss your academic responsibilities, for things of far less importance to your future. Do not allow yourself to be lead around by the nose; and pressured into giving up your dreams to pacify the whims of a man. His dreams are already in progress; and he doesn't care if he derails yours to get what he wants. Give that some thought.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2015): Heck be blunt and say that you cannot do it. You're dissertation is a MILLION times more important than writing for a website.
Tell him you appreciate the offer but that your dissertation is your priority and that's that. You don't owe people anything, whilst it's lovely and kind to do things for others and accept such offers you need to put yourself first.
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