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female
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anonymous
writes: I met my fiance a year ago and we were just friends until October. When we began dating then, it was great, as is every new relationship. Things moved quickly and he proposed at the beginning of January. We began to make plans for the wedding, however, every day that goes by I see more and more of his true self. He is negative, unmotivated, and has the biggest chip on his shoulder ever. I want out because I cannot spend my life with someone that constantly brings me down, however, I have no idea how to tell him this. He would never physically hurt me, but I don't know how to deal with him and the disappointment of all of our mutual friends. Any advice?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2006): I'm going to be real with you on this one if you marry him that will be the biggest mistake you will ever make.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2006): Trust me marrying this man will be the biggest mistake! I went out with my husband for 3 1/2 years... I knew of his negativity, and of the chip he had on his shoulder as well... although he didn't show them that much towards me, usually it was towards other people, he always showed lots of love for me (except for when we argued). I thought he would never hit me as well, but after we got married and started living together it all changed... now I am his main target and he has shoved me, and even tried to suffocate me once. He is currently going through anger management classes because he wants to try and save our relationship, but he knows that I am ready and willing to leave if he gets close to touching me.
Please honey; end it with him now, because I promise you things will only get worse after you are married. Don't worry about disappointing your friends either... if they are truly friends then they will understand, if not then they are not worth being in your life. Trust me I know you will have lots of people who won’t understand why you are breaking it off, but those people are not the ones in a relationship with him, and they don’t know him as intimately as you do.
When you talk to him let him know how he makes you feel, and how you don’t want to spend the rest of your life someone who brings you down. And most importantly do not let anything he says to you make you change your mind about breaking it off with him!
Hope my words have helped.
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A
female
reader, smeedle  +, writes (1 April 2006):
 you have made your decision now you have to tell him, it wont be easy but noting in life ever is and lets face it marrying him would be a huge mistake.
The best way to tell someone they are dumped is just to do it, tell him it is over and give honest reasons, dont be swayed by his reasctions and once you have told him then leave it at that, tell your family next and then your friends, yes they will be upset but not as upset as they would be if you wed then divorced.
Dump him today and get it over and done with.
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