A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I need help to decide between two men. I created a pickle for myself and I am having a hard time finding the right way out of it.Background:I have dated a guy for five years. I am currently 26, he is currently 30 years old. It has been five years of both good and bad times, leaving us unable to trust each other or have sex. We get along perfectly except for those two things. We failed to communicate our problems to each other resulting in me cheating on him with a 51 year old man. I see this man almost every day because we go to the same yoga studio and gym. The sex was amazing between us leaving me craving more all the time. The guy I was dating was of course devastated that I cheated on him but is willing to still work on our relationship and continue on. I love him dearly since we have been through so much in five years. However, now I am starting to fall in love with the 51 year old because I keep seeing him on the side (really bad I know). The sex between me and my boyfriend is either non-existant or really bad. I have a hard time getting turned on by him. They have both expressed that they love me deeply and want to be my boyfriend.My question is: Should I stick with my 30 year old boyfriend, try to work things out, and hope that some day he will be a great lover? Or should I try dating the 51 year old, who I have great passion with, but lets face it, we have a 25 year age gap!? Any advice would be greatly appreciated!!! Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Dodds  +, writes (7 September 2011):
 Its clear to me that you have already made up your mind regarding the two but want a bit of validation...so to sum it up,the side dish absolutely rocks your world but you are reluctant to leave the BF for fear of hurting his feelings(right!?)
Bottom line if he no longer makes the cut for you sexualy,emotionaly or other... do him a favour and LET HIM GO!! Staying with someone you no longer feel completely committed to in the long run means the risk of hurting each other. The hurt he may feel now is miniscule in comparison to that which he may feel if you stay with him,and at the same time letting another guy mow your lawn behind his back.
Be more decisive and stop being selfish!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2011): Neither. If you want a future together, the 25 year age gap doesn't work - you can't have kids that way, or if you did, they would lose their father very young in life. If you really want to you can, but I don't recommend it.
The 30 year old sounds like a bad deal though. Yes you care about him, but the relationship sounds like it's not right for you. Find someone new who both excites you and is good for your age.
It's hard, but it's worth it.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (7 September 2011):
 Well while I agree with Danielepew about not making a choice (since you will not need to MAKE a choice when you already know)... I will just say that IF the only reason you are not going to be with someone is due to a difference in ages I say go for it.
My bf is 13 years younger than I am... and it works fine...
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (7 September 2011):
 If your heart, passion, hormones or brain do not clearly tell you who you want to go for, the answer has to be that you are not really into any of the two.
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